A hilarious how-to guide argues that going from riches to rags will demonstrate the futility of wealth, writes Derek Scally in Berlin
Now that everyone in Ireland seems to have money, or at least several credit cards and notions about themselves, it's time to take a step back. Is consumer culture really everything we expected it to be - do we really amount to nothing more than our net worth multiplied by the thread count of our Egyptian cotton bed sheets?
German aristocrat Count Alexander von Schönburg - self-described "poor relative of most of the crowned heads of Europe" - has experienced money and poverty, opted for the latter and has now written a hilarious how-to guide for the rest of us.
The Art of Stylish Poverty, riding high in the German book charts for months and already in its fourth reprint, extols the virtues of "nouveau pauvres chic", a lifestyle where thriftiness is not just of a practical but also of an aesthetic nature. He describes his principle as a European variation on "wabi-sabi", the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and uncluttered authenticity.
"Wealth hasn't been exclusive for a long time now. But as someone who is growing poorer, one belongs to the avant-garde," says von Schönburg. "I know what I'm talking about. My family has 500 years' experience of decline."
His family's story is typical of the middle-European aristocracy, right down to the grandparents being chased out of the family pile by communists. He had a very modest childhood - second-hand clothes and a father who "never really liked a teapot until it had developed a crack" - and rebelled in his early 20s by developing a taste for finery.
But von Schönburg was confronted with the family fate of poverty when he lost his well-paid job with a leading newspaper, an experience that he says in hindsight was a liberation.
The Art of Stylish Poverty isn't a get-rich-quick manual but a get-real-quick manual, "to alter the wishes the consumption-industry has convinced us are desirable but which in reality are cumbersome and tasteless".
There are two ways of getting rich, he says: first, work hard, and in the meantime dream of all the things you can't afford - then, when you finally get them, realise they don't make you happy; second, modify your wishes.
"The first rule for stylish poverty: set priorities! Real luxury is not Hermes but in the self-assertion against superfluous temptations which don't make our life more beautiful but just fill it up with crap."
The Art of Stylish Poverty continues in the same vein, railing against consumer culture and the notion of "luxury for all".
"My sister admitted that instead of original Louis Vuitton bags she prefers to buy good copies for a 10th of the price," he writes.
"Only Russian oligarchs buy the originals. At least the rip-offs are a sign of a widely-travelled person - you don't get them in every high-street store but only in Bangkok and Hong Kong."
His life-changing thesis, which runs to more than 240 pages, recommends drastic changes for greater personal happiness: lose the car and mobile phone, buy second-hand clothes and give up gym membership for walks in the park.
Moving to the German-speaking world could also be a positive life-changing experience, he suggests. "In Berlin, like no other city, so many people are living from public money. You can eat for free because embassies are thrilled for every guest who knows how to behave," he writes.
"In Vienna people with money are the suspect and cannot buy their way in."
Von Schönburg's highly entertaining rant, drawing on cultural critics from Neil Postman to Thomas Hobbes, leaves no aspect of modern life untouched, from expensive apartments to eating out.
"One of the most threatening plagues to civilisation is 'event gastronomy' where people aren't just eating but 'experiencing' their dinner," he writes. "Much better to have to sit on the corner of a bed in a friend's apartment, drinking cheap wine and balancing a plate of pasta with dehydrated mushrooms on your lap and where the cutlery is a mixture of good silver and Lufthansa forks."
The point of stylish poverty is simple, he says. "Whoever learns to value life during the rough patches and learns precisely in a crisis situation to cut a good figure, eventually learns something approaching leading a good life."
• The Art of Stylish Poverty, by Alexander von Schönburg, is published (in German) by Rowohlt
A for Aldi
Shopping paradise for trend-conscious lawyers' wives who want to mix among the people to signal that they're not above it all
C for Cartier
Once a reputable jewellery shop in Paris, in the meantime a mass producer of tasteless and over-priced products for Russian oligarchs
D for DVDs
thanks to technological advances, they will soon be overtaken by video-on-demand; therefore large DVD collections are a sure waste of money
F is for Fitness
The best fitness is found in the park near your door. There are no membership fees and one doesn't have to change in awful-smelling locker rooms
L is for LVMH
French company that produces mass-market products (including Louis Vuitton and Moët Chandon) and tries desperately to promise customers exclusivity, something long since foiled by perfect copies from China and Vietnam
P is for Paying
A Hungarian saying goes: "A gentleman doesn't pay, get surprised, or hurry"
T is for Toiletries
Best to stock up during a hotel stay - the only acceptable form of hotel theft
W is for White Tea
Incredibly simple to prepare - consists of just hot water. Considered a