THE IRISH edition of Monopoly has been given a drastic makeover, but if the aim of the changes was to make it more accurately reflect the state of the Irish property market, it has failed.
While the Monopoly
Revolution has introduced many changes, including a circular board, money loaded on to credit-card-style bits of plastic and – worryingly – sound effects, the makers of what is the most popular board game of all time have missed obvious updates.
For a start, where’s Nama? If Hasbro really wanted to devise a property-based game that reflected Irish reality, it would have included some class of dubious financial experiment (possibly hidden within a deck of terrifying Chance cards). It would quietly take possession of every hotel and most of the houses on the board towards the end of the game – particularly those on the most affluent streets – and hang on to them until all the contestants and all their children had died.
There would also be a hugely indebted bank which would help itself to a hefty percentage of every contestant’s cash at every turn and simply burn it. Instead of happily playing the market, players would watch miserably as the value of their houses, carelessly acquired early on in the game, plummeted in value.
And the very notion that any contestant could ever mortgage any of their streets to keep themselves out of the game’s poorhouse for even a single turn would be laughable – they’d be all too aware that the bank wouldn’t be giving a mortgage of any sort to anyone ever again.
At the height of the Irish property boom any number of Irish developers and bankers could have quite comfortably donned the top hat and tails of Rich Uncle Pennybags, the smiling, monocle-wearing chap who bestrides the game like a capitalist colossus. Today that number has dwindled dramatically and most of those who once aspired to the role of top dog will be content if they don’t have to go directly to jail without passing Go.
As part of the reinvention, the streets have been revalued and Shrewsbury and Ailesbury now cost four million and 3.5 million respectively, while Crumlin and Kimmage remain the cheapest properties on the board and cost a cool 600,000 each. It is hard to say for sure in the absence of a State-regulated property price database, but to the casual observer all these prices seem wildly optimistic.
Hasbro says it is celebrating Monopoly’s 75th birthday this year but it is actually quite a bit older than that. The game’s early days were mired in controversy with claim and counter claim about the inventors and owners of the trademark leading to a host of court cases. What is universally acknowledged is that it first appeared under the title of the Landlord’s Game in 1903 and was designed by Elizabeth Magie, a Quaker and political activist. She invented it with the noble aim of showing people how monopolies put untold wealth in the hands of very few and leave everyone else destitute. There have been countless books written on how to win the game but one of the best strategies has always been to buy the leafy streets in Ballsbridge and build hotels on them. Once the hotels are up you can sit back and watch as your rivals haemorrhage money. It has long been a foolproof strategy – the jury’s out on whether it will be as effective on the new board, but one could hazard a guess as to what Seán Dunne would have to say about it.
