NEWTON'S OPTIC:THERE'S NOT much of a Protestant ethos on display in the row over school funding. The sight of Protestants begging Minister for Education Batt O'Keeffe for money shows how far my Southern co-religionists have fallen.
The only financial transaction any self-respecting Protestant should have with someone of O’Keeffe’s standing is to give him a euro with the words: “Here’s something for yourself, my good man.”
Instead, we have the pathetic spectacle of Protestants acting as if O’Keeffe is not just their equal but their better. Acting as if he was their equal would be bad enough; surrendering the presumption of superiority is appalling. Effortless superiority is the very definition of the Protestant ethos and what better sort over which to exude it than some Fianna Fáil bogman?
O’Keeffe’s statements should provoke no reaction stronger than mild amusement. When he claims Protestants are wealthy and privileged, a modest nod of agreement should suffice. When he becomes flustered over legal and constitutional issues, it should be politely noted that a person of his limitations is bound to find these things confusing.
It is absurd of Protestants to imply that the funding cut was ordered by some secret Catholic professional organisation in O’Keeffe’s department. Catholics are neither professional nor organised. Also, Protestants really ought not to be humouring made-up Irish names. O’Keeffe is correctly known as Barry Keith and should be referred to as such.
Under no circumstances should Protestants actually highlight the effect of Keith’s decisions. People of Keith’s type should not be seen to have any effect on respectable society whatsoever. If the withdrawal of funding causes hardship for certain Protestant institutions and individuals, they should conceal the fact behind a well- scrubbed facade of genteel self- reliance. They should raise more money themselves through traditional Protestant activities such as working, saving or running a business that does not depend on corrupt links to the planning system. They certainly should not cry poverty like some common whining Irishman.
The special pleading of the Protestant churches sounds almost Catholic. The Church of Ireland Archbishop of Dublin, the Most Rev John Neill, calls the funding cut “grossly unfair” and says “a minority is as entitled to schools under their own patronage as much as the majority”. It is embarrassing to hear a Protestant clergymen use terms like “unfair”, “entitled to” and “minority”. Life is not fair, entitlements are for losers and the elite are always a minority.
The row has raised the question of whether Protestants need separate schools at all.
Catholic schools are necessary because Catholicism is an arcane and inconsistent creed which requires years of indoctrination to have any hope of lodging in the human mind.
In Ireland, especially those areas currently under native control, Catholics are also required to learn a dead language and a false version of history. It is obvious that this necessitates a dedicated school system.
Protestantism, by contrast, is a straightforward and naturally ordered faith, allied to the default Anglo-Saxon culture of western civilisation. Armed only with a few words of warning, it should be perfectly possible for Protestant children to attend Catholic schools and emerge more or less completely unscathed by the experience.
For 90 years, Catholic schools have failed to teach anyone Irish. It seems a little far-fetched to fear that they could teach Protestants to be Catholic.