One of the weirdest aspects of segregated, stalemated Northern Ireland is the tendency of each side to lecture the other on morality. As if, given the depth and deservedness of mutual mistrust and the level of mutual ignorance, either will ever think "Oh, that hits the nail on the head, great point, the best of motives there", writes Fionnuala O Connor
The pinnacle of present-day weirdness is unionist advice to the SDLP on how to make a comeback as the leaders of nationalist opinion. Moral counsel is one thing, but this is presented as electoral advice from unionist politicians and commentators.
It is a simple plan. In order to regain the lead the SDLP should cut themselves off from republicans and rededicate themselves to sharing power with truly democratic parties alone: in the first instance, by grasping the outstretched hand of the DUP.
Mark Durkan and his party should agree to be the nationalist end of a voluntary coalition which excludes Sinn Féin until the IRA performs "acts of completion" as proposed by Tony Blair - the sincerity of which Ian Paisley would ultimately judge.
The Blair "acts of completion" have been round the block a few times. Back in September when poor John de Chastelain made his underwhelming presentation on decommissioning, journalists in Belfast were told several of them had been "unnecessarily negative" and "unhelpful" in how they rated the general's news and the accompanying statement from Gerry Adams.
The message was that if the media had sounded more impressed David Trimble might have sold the package to his party, and to unionist voters.
The only possible conclusion was that Mr Blair would have judged these to be acts of completion if they satisfied Mr Trimble: that there was, and is, no pretence in Downing Street at disinterested assessment of decommissioning and cessation of paramilitary activities.
Yet Mr Blair now says that, as things stand, he would not expect any party wedded to exclusively democratic and peaceful means to share power with Sinn Féin without acts of completion. Next time, that means they have to be sellable to Ian Paisley's voters.
Enter the SDLP, already on the skids but urged on to one final act of self-destruction. They should sign up to the DUP's formula for an interim and immediate form of devolution, it is said - for their own good as well as that of the body politic.
This would be funny if Mr Blair's man in Belfast, Paul Murphy, didn't sound as though he was also leaning towards the idea.
The Paisley party has been half-in, half-out of the process since the Good Friday agreement, booing and hissing their contempt of the entire business while insisting that they will not be deprived of any benefits available.
It is one thing to praise the first efforts of prodigals come home, hardly surprising that the Northern Ireland Office should make much of the DUP's opening gambit. But using their reductive and (naturally) self-interested proposals to lean on the weakest main player is akin to harassment, and daft.
The SDLP is still absorbing the implications of John Hume's belated retirement on top of their defeat last November.
They have no well-placed candidate for either his European or Westminster seats, and little time to choose. They are in a bad way, but they are not mad.
If Mark Durkan should lose his bearings totally and lunge in the direction he is bid by these improbable advisers, the future is clear - at least to anyone who sees unionists as unlikely tutors on nationalist voting behaviour and indeed on the sharing of power.
Only those with no grasp of contemporary Northern nationalism could imagine that the party which has lost John Hume and a raft of other senior figures would regain votes and win new ones by agreeing with Ian Paisley to cut Sinn Féin out of the game.
Unionist distaste for republicans, and in particular for leading Sinn Féin figures, is well known outside Northern Ireland.
It may not be as clear that most nationalists - traditional SDLP voters as well as republicans - regard unionist politicians as equally unreconstructed. Sinn Féin's lead has been confirmed now by three elections: Westminster, local government and Assembly. The next Westminster fight is very likely to give them the entire set of nationalist-held seats.
But the SDLP could count themselves out in advance by doing what unionists suggest. If they sign up to exclude Sinn Féin at the behest of the DUP, Ulster Unionists, the tiny but self-important Alliance Party or indeed the Blair government, they may as well retire the party with John Hume.