Books on resilience and emotional intelligence are all the rage at the moment so coming up with a new angle is a challenge for any author. Bharwaney opts for the toolkit approach here in a book packed with checklists and links to web resources.
Much of the territory is familiar but to her credit there’s a more structured approach to a subject that may be of benefit to those who are looking to get practical help in this area.
With so much literature about improving self-esteem and building confidence, it’s also interesting to see a section entitled ‘Quick tips for reducing high self-worth’.
Among the pithy pieces of advice here are to ‘remember all the things you are not good at doing’ and a tip about limiting yourself to just one minute when talking about yourself and something good that you have done. Spend more time in nature as a way of balancing yourself is another with a reminder of how small and simple you are compared to the power, complexity, size and depth of nature.
Self-control is extremely important, the author suggests, as it acutely affects how we deal with ordinary events at work. The steady stream of triggers that can cause reactions at work is endless: emails, phone calls, texts, social media chat, meetings, requests for urgent responses, unexpected work schedule changes, travel disruptions and unforeseen crises all require a balanced emotional response.
Self-control is also the extent to which we can take control of our dysfunctional behaviour. At work, those with effective self-control think before acting and reflect carefully before making decisions.
It involves weighting up all the available information while not being excessively cautious.
Those with low self-control, however, are likely to give in to their urges, seeking immediate emotional gratification in the manner of a young child.
Often the first sign of lack of self-control is in the physical appearance of the people, Bharwaney opines. Are they in shape and do they seem to be in control of themselves and their patterns are questions worth exploring.
Strong links have been found between self-control and career success. Some readers will be familiar with the Marshmallow Test, carried out by Walter Mischel and colleagues at Stanford University where four-year-old children were given a marshmallow, were left alone and told not to eat it for 20 minutes.
The reward for the patient ones was the promise of a second marshmallow. The children showed strong variations in impulse control.
Over 20 years, the researchers followed these students to find their outcomes in life. They found a direct link between delayed gratification and academic performance, earnings, mental health and happiness well into adult life.
When we are hungry or tired we are more likely to struggle with self-control and more likely to display aggression, irrational decision-making as well as sexual or financial impulsiveness, one reason it is suggested that supermarkets usually place chocolates and sweets by the till.
Bharwaney provides some practical advice in terms of mood control. You should examine your level of focus, openness and energy periodically during the day, rating yourself on a scale of one to 10, he suggests.
During a meeting, for example, if you feel you lack focus, you should remind yourself of the objective of the meeting and try not to deviate from it.
If openness is an issue for you, you should try to listen without prejudice, taking on board what other people’s ideas are and asking others what they think.
Energy levels are often affected by hydration or not having enough movement and can be easily remedied.
There are also chapters on a wide range of other topics including time management, problem solving, group empathy and dialogue, connection and influence, each filled with practical advice and illustrative case studies.
Emotional resilience is important, the author concludes, because it lies at the heart of adaptability, the key characteristic for survival as Darwin famously noted.