Christians all over the world will today commemorate the crucifixion of the nice beardy bloke who was fond of a sandal. There will be processions of solemnity on streets all over Ireland populated by folk with hangdog expressions looking lost and forlorn, possibly even some weeping and cries of anguish – it’s not everyday the pubs are closed.
I found myself in Galway on this very day last year. The passion play in Oberammergau couldn’t capture the sense of anguish, loss and suffering etched on the faces of the bewildered tourists who wandered aimlessly trying to get to grips with the fact that there are days in Ireland when pubs don’t open.
A Best Man from Wigan was tied to a pole and lashed with salty seaweed outside McDonagh’s fish and chip shop. His bewildered stag entourage enraged by thirst and lack of strippers. Epic fail. I heard an American girl console her companion – “Don’t sweat it Steve, Dignity will be open again tomorrow.” Steve was going cold turkey for alcohol and Galway’s lively gay bar. Whatever the Catholic Church's policy on hawking booze on a Good Friday, selling drink to homosexuals on the holiest of days was never going to be a runner. The bar has closed since; no truth in the rumour that is was due to a plague of locusts.
What those tourists didn’t know is that similarly to a large stone blocking the mouth of a cave in the Holy Land, there might just be a way around the blessed bung of solemnity.
The first Festival Fit Easter offering is a secret gig known as the Barn Dance, happening today somewhere on the outskirts of Dublin. If you don’t have a ticket for this yet, you’re probably out of luck, it sells out faster than Judas on a losing streak. The Riptide Movement, La Galaxie and Delorentos are just two of more than 30 acts lined up for a Great Friday.
Before you go leaving messages on Joe Duffy’s answering machine, there won’t be any alcohol on sale here, it’s strictly BYOB. If you missed the offy yesterday, you’re snookered. Mortal sins take a bit of planning. “Gis a shot of your Bucky” will get you about as much change as the impenitent thief at the pearly gates.
Buses will ferry the chosen ones to a mystery venue where they'll party harder than the last supper. To sweeten the deal a little further and to banish the moneylenders from the temple, funds raised from this event will be used to send farm animals to impoverished communities in Africa. Positively saintly. Check out barndance.ie, you might be able to get a ticket, today is a day for miracles after all.
BLESSED ARE THE SKAS
BYOB isn't much good to Steve though or to someone who has a tongue on them as dry as a Bethlehem bróg. Blessed are the Skas for theirs is the festival of spirituous hope. Not only are Madness playing in a car park in Waterford City in June at the inaugural DayTripper Festival, but today of all days sees Tramore Skafest kicking off a three-day jamboree of jump.
What the sly skinheads have sussed is that if you’re a hotel resident, you can legally have a pint or two. All-inclusive packages for gig and bed are being offered at a decent rate, the more rude-folk per room the better the deal. Legends of 2 Tone and talking looking-glass enthusiasts The Beat are headlining tonight. Doors open at The Grand Hotel for non-residents at midnight. Appropriate that The Seven Deadly Skins will also be performing over the weekend.
For something a bit more wholesome you could do worse than check out the Racing Home for Easter Festival in Mallow, or Tír na nÓg Family Festival in Tralee. Galway Food Festival runs all weekend too and they had free hot-cross buns this day last year; a variation on “Let them eat cake”?
Safe travels, don’t die.
