A little more than a decade ago, Lindsay Lohan – child star turned troubled young adult – made a comeback framed (of course) by a reality show for the Oprah Winfrey Network. For a time it felt as if the beloved preadolescent sensation from The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday would blossom into an accomplished grown-up performer. She appeared in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow in the West End of London. She collaborated with the futurist Indrani Pal-Chaudhuri on Till Human Voices Wake Us. Regrettably, she has parlayed that renaissance into lesser telly (The Masked Singer Australia?), Walmart commercials and glossy Hallmark-style flicks for Netflix.
Irish Wish had its faults, but at least the scenery was pretty. This dull-witted, soundstage-bound Christmas romance has festive trimmings and a clockwork plot. Lohan plays Avery, who is spending her first Christmas with her boyfriend’s rich and glossy family but – oops – her ex is there! And – gasp – he’s dating her boyfriend’s sister! For some flimsy reason the exes decide to lie about their romantic history. Capering ensues.
Kristin Chenoweth’s bitchy future mother-in-law gets a giggle or two among the broadly written caricatures. Most of the scenes feel spewed out by AI after the word-prompt “awkward”. Lohan eats the imposing matriarch’s special cookies. Awkward. She blames it on the dog and has to bring the animal to the vet. Awkward. She accidentally ingests CBD gummies before church. Awkward.
Inevitably, the exes are thrown together by their inexplicable collusion and, well, you know the rest. Emily Bear’s score is twinkly, and Adruitha Lee and the make-up department ensure that everyone’s hair looks long and lovely.
Fans of the Netflix Christmas oeuvre will watch it twice or more. Fans of Lohan will hope for better from the incoming Freakier Friday. We are, at least, spared the spectacle of Irish Wish’s mischievous St Brigid. But we do get a glimpse of – no, really – a moving statue. Not secret enough.
Streaming on Netflix from Wednesday, November 27th
