The young lady at the opticians was ever so encouraging. “Name?” I gave it. Response – “…perfect!” Really? I almost asked: “…what’s perfect about being a boy called Patsy, but she was already on to “…your address?”
I gave it, and that too elicited a “perfect” response. Now I like where I live but I would demur at calling it perfect. “Date of birth?”, she asked. It too was, you guessed it, – “…perfect!” This time I had to agree.
We Sagittarian babies are, understandably, the envy of the zodiac, not that we boast about it. But I wasn’t allowed muse on my good fortune. She wanted my next of kin which, too, was greeted with another beautifully enunciated “…perfect!” Oh dear.
“You must be joking!” I had said it by reflex, before thinking. “What?” she asked. “You don’t know my family,” I said. I smiled in case she thought I was serious. Or contacted them.
The exchanges had become so mechanical I began to imagine that. if I was dealing with an email, I’d have by then ticked the “I’m not a robot” box. Or, rather, I’d have asked her to do so. But she was just doing her job.
There were a few more questions and a brief silence. I asked “is that it?” To which she responded, “…yes. Perfect”. I didn’t think so.
I go through phases of loathing words and phrases that seem to insinuate themselves into over conversation from time to time. Like guerrillas, they subvert. “Perfect,” is, well, a perfect example.
Instead of “yes”, or some such usual acknowledgement, it just is jarring, conspicuous and uninvited, and throws a conversation. I mean why choose “perfect” to begin with. Is it about some sort of positive assurance, encouragement? Don’t ask me!
Other irritating examples include “I have your back”. What in the name of all that’s unholy does that mean? We all know it says you’re supporting someone but where did the daft phrase come from?
Or "give it up for…" when inviting people to applaud someone, or "going forward". My God how I hate "going forward". It reminds me of the bank crash. It was everywhere then. And don't get me going on "reaching out" or "that's a good question". Please, please spare me!
Perfect, from Latin perfectus, for "excellent, accomplished, exquisite"
inaword@irishtimes.com
