We all like to take some time out and relax on our own, to read a book, go for a walk or simply take a breather from the fast pace of modern life. But for some people, being alone makes up most or all of their everyday lives.
While many people enjoy living on their own, according to the Government of Ireland Wellbeing Framework, 2024, 14 per cent of people reported feeling lonely and this is something that Michael Power can relate to, as he has been living alone since his wife died in 2018 and says that some days he finds life “almost unbearable”.
“My wife and I did everything together for almost 50 years,” he says. “We met in our teens, got married when she was 20 and I was 21, and worked together in our retail business for decades. We had planned to enjoy our retirement by travelling abroad and seeing some of the world as we had always been busy with the shop and looking after our children, so we were looking forward to having some time just for us.
“But then she got cancer and died within a matter of months and my whole world fell apart. My two daughters were around for the first while after she died, but then they went back to their own lives and although they both live within an hour’s drive of me, they are very busy, so don’t get to visit that often.
“I see my son and his family more regularly as, although he lives two hours away, he comes to see me once a fortnight and I’m invited up to his house for a few days every month or so to spend time with his family, which I really love to do.
“But aside from that, I spend most of my time alone. I find this very hard – I try not to bother my children with it as I don’t think it’s fair, so when they ring up, I usually say that I’m fine and that I’m going to be out and about doing things, but the reality is that, most days, I’m at home by myself with my memories.”
The Dublin man says he has tried to remain positive and to come up with ways to ease the pain of loneliness, but “some days it is very hard”.
“My wife was my world and she was the social one, so all of the nights out and weekends away we enjoyed when she was alive, were all organised by her,” he says. “Of course, I always liked going to things with her, but I am a quieter person and generally preferred to chat to people one on one, whereas she was the life and soul of the party. So now that she she’s gone, I don’t really know how to be any more.
“Of course, our old friends still include me in invitations and get-togethers, but these have got less and less frequent over the years due to a combination of me declining offers and also because people are either getting sick or are less interested in socialising.
“I find the lack of contact very difficult, particularly as, throughout our working years, we would chat to people all day in the shop and, even though I wasn’t very outgoing, I liked having the bit of banter with customers. I couldn’t carry on with the business without her, so I sold it after she died, and to lose the social outlet came with it and my purpose in life along with the love of my life has been so hard to deal with.
“For a long while, I found it hard to get out of bed in the mornings and then getting dressed and out into the world was such an effort as I felt there was no point. There were, and still are, days when I feel so low, but sometimes I can hear my wife telling me to put on my coat and go out for a walk as it will do me good. I always feel better when I do that and often have a bit of a chat with someone in the local shop and I think, silly as it sounds, that although she is gone, she is looking after me.”
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According to the charity Alone – who work with older people, including those who are lonely and isolated – loneliness is a “critical social and public health concern” in Ireland, and affects 20 per cent of the population, making it the highest rate in the EU (average is 13 per cent), with almost 425,980 people living alone. It has a profound impact on people, particularly the elderly, and the latest census figures show that 189,574 people living alone were aged 65+ (44.5% of total), this number having increased from 156,799 in 2016.
[ Why is Ireland, the land of a thousand welcomes, the loneliest country in Europe?Opens in new window ]
“Statistically, Ireland is the loneliest country in Europe,” says Seán Moynihan, chief executive of Alone and member of the Loneliness Taskforce. “That has massive knock-on effects throughout society, because loneliness impacts on both mental and physical health. And as well as the mental and emotional impacts, studies have linked loneliness with everything from Parkinson’s to diabetes, cancer, cardiovascular disease and many other diseases and conditions.
“Even though older people living alone are more likely to be lonely, loneliness is an issue which affects all age groups, and it is a nationwide issue. The last programme for government contained a commitment to an action plan on loneliness, but that never happened, and that commitment doesn’t feature in the new programme for government. We have a loneliness crisis, so we need to start taking this issue seriously – commitment to an action plan owned and funded by a Government department, support for the solutions that do work, create awareness of them, and research the unique nature of the problem in Ireland. We are storing up serious problems for our society now and in the years to come by not addressing this urgent issue.”
Meanwhile, father of three Michael Power says he made a decision at the start of the year to do something about his situation as he couldn’t “waste any more years wallowing in sadness”.
“I gave myself a bit of a talking-to as I realised that I have wasted precious time that my wife would have given anything to have, so I decided that I’m going to try to be more positive this year. I have started going to the library to take out books and use the computer and was pleasantly surprised to see some of the same faces on numerous occasions, so we now have a bit of a chat.
“I’ve also decided, on the advice of my son, to join the local Men’s Shed, as this is apparently somewhere that I can meet others in a similar situation and get involved in projects, which sounds like something I would like to do.
“Trying to remain positive when your heart is broken and you are missing someone every day is extremely difficult, but I know that for the sake of my mental health and the time I have left, I need to be proactive and actually seek out company rather than wallowing at home alone all day. There will be a time in the not too distant future where I won’t be as mobile or healthy as I am now, so I need to prepare for that by having some sort of a life in place.
“Of course, I miss my beautiful wife and soul mate every minute of every day, but that is not going to bring her back and I know she would be so sad to think of me being lonely, so my plan for this year is to learn to try to start living again without her by my side.”
