Struggling to feel confident in our abilities, questioning our beliefs and attitudes, being indecisive in our actions and having negative thoughts or low expectations of ourselves can all culminate in low self-worth and debilitating self-doubt.
When we feel uncertain in our lives, it can affect how we think, our opinions, emotions and decisions. This can lead us to overly compensate for our perceived failings by overachieving – or it can lead to the opposite where we fall into a whirlpool of impostor syndrome. Neither of which gets us anywhere fast and certainly won’t ease the self-doubt we are experiencing.
Louise Lynch, a mindfulness and positive psychology coach from Mindful Moments, says that self-doubt can be a product of fear, which is “arguably our most powerful emotion” and an essential one that also keeps us safe. In fact, fear protects us from putting ourselves in harms way. Lynch recognises that these emotions come in the form of a fear of failure, of loss, of change, of being judged, of the unknown, of rejection, of success, of expectations and of not being good enough.
“All these fears and self-doubt can relate to our role as a parent, a student, an employee, a boss, within our personal relationships with our partners, parents, friends etc,” says Lynch.
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When you’re going for a job interview, she says, your thoughts are often saying that you are not good enough for this new role.
“Or you are attending a meeting and want to ask or say something but you have a fear that you will look stupid. Or you could avoid dates or romantic relationships because of the fear rejection.”
While we are told to “feel the fear and do it anyway”, it can, quite literally, stop a person in their tracks.
As Lynch says, “fear is experienced in the mind” and, as such, can trigger strong physical reactions in the body as the stress hormones – cortisol and adrenaline – are released. Intense sweating, nausea, anxiety, increased blood pressure and heart rate and being unable to think clearly are all effects of fear.
Our body can naturally move into a fight, flight, freeze or fawn scenario as our thoughts determine the danger. Feeling fear does not necessarily mean we are at severe risk, however. Learning to understand and interrupt the brain signals that trigger fear can help us recognise what it is we are trying to protect ourselves from.
“Your brain cannot distinguish if you are sitting in a meeting room or being chased by a lion,” says Lynch. “It just knows you are in danger and it goes into survival mode to protect you.”
We can learn to overcome fear by challenging whether the fear is based on – whether it’s something concrete we must protect ourselves from or simply the of stepping outside our comfort zone. We can push our boundaries and gain a sense of empowerment over a fear that potentially holds us back. We can attempt to understand the fear and stand up to it. We can question the risk. The more we allow fear to control us, however, the more self-doubt can grow, which can be devastating on the human psyche and very much stifle growth and progress.
“Everyone on the planet experiences symptoms of self-doubt at some stage in their life. It is very natural. Even the most successful people in the world [feel it] – leaders, doctors, surgeons, your boss, friends, and family. It is when we let these thoughts and fears take over that we stop living our life to its full potential.”
Self-doubt, and the fear associated with it, is an uncomfortable human experience, but building our self-worth, challenging the thoughts in our head, embracing imperfection and allowing ourselves to be flawed can help us find our power and strength. Allow yourself to make mistakes, challenge your inner critic, be brave and take risks.
Lynch says: “Remember: Our thoughts are habitual and are conditioned through years of thinking a certain way. Those thoughts will creep in again and again but the more we practise self-compassion, self-awareness and the magic of mindfulness, along with its tools and techniques, these thoughts will become less and less. We will start to live our life to the fullest, not based on how others live or on the opinions of others, but on our own terms.”
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To overcome self-doubt
Compassion over comparison: “Self-compassion is nurturing and gentle, while comparison is the ‘thief of joy.’ Comparison drives the inner critic and negative self-talk, which is the internal voice that may say things such as, ‘I can’t do anything right, why bother?‘; ’Why can’t I be further ahead like him’; or ‘I am so stupid. I should be or look more like her.‘”
To cultivate self-compassion, Lynch recommends imagining what you would say to a friend in the same situation and giving yourself the same empathy.
Awareness through mindfulness: “The moment we become aware of the symptoms of self-doubt, this is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness helps us build a better relationship with our thoughts and the bodily sensations and feelings associated with the thoughts. When we start to notice our thoughts spiralling, we can stop them in their tracks.”
To build awareness, Lynch recommends challenging a thought by asking if what you are thinking is true or if it is based on a past experience, while also recognising we have no control over our past.
Live in the present moment: “Our breath is one of the best ways to regulate our nervous system when it is feeling overwhelmed by self-doubt,” says Lynch, who recommends mindful breathing as a way to live in the present moment. “Science shows that taking mindful breaths sends a message to our parasympathetic nervous system to say, ‘I am safe.’ One of my favourite breathing techniques is the box breathing, or 16 second, practice.”
The Box Breathing Method
- Inhale through your nose for the count of four seconds.
- Hold your breath for the count of four seconds.
- Slowly exhale out of your mouth for the count of four seconds.
- Hold for the count of four seconds.
- Repeat these steps until you feel re-centred and feel a sense of calm, or whenever you notice self-doubting thoughts arise.
