The Irish male needn't commit serial crimes against fashion this summer – follow these rules and you won't go far wrong, writes ALAN O'RIORDAN
MANY IRISH men don’t see the point of having a summer wardrobe – and this summer seems to have proven them right. But despite the terrible weather, any amount of seasonal fashion crimes could be seen on our streets. Still, if you’ve had enough of the weather and are planning an August escape, there’s no excuse to commit fashion crimes abroad. And, on the bright side, your holiday style will last for years through lack of use. What a great investment to have ready and waiting when the sun comes out: after all, most Irish men are so surprised by the arrival of summer we don’t have anything to wear, leading to various disasters, when timeless wardrobe triumph can just as easily be won.
What to wear
The shirtThe T-shirt is the great friend of svelte man-boys, but let's face it, if you're torso is no longer V-shaped, you might want something a little more flattering – which brings us to our old friend the shirt. What could be simpler? They say short sleeves are allowed now, which may come as a relief for men whose wives buy shirts for them in Dunnes. But tread carefully. HM do bright, block colours and Gap ain't bad for an American boho look. We're still in the roll-up sleeves camp, however – but only to just below the elbow. Any higher is strictly for farmers and lumberjacks.
A short, neat, light trench coatWell, this is Ireland. But leave the bulky coat or the long mac for winter. Something light that you could stuff in a bag and not worry about, but look cool if it rains: that's what we're after for summer. This Diesel trench fits the bill, while short, belted trenches for Topman (below) are so cheap you could buy two. And Burberry have one they call "packable", which I guess means you can ball it up and not mind. Hoorah.
City shortsShorts don't have to be either (a) Man Utd kit, (b) brightly coloured evocations of the beach, or (c) look like you should be in a swimming pool. In a good summer, you might just get shorts weather in town. Two things: always show some knee, and steer clear of sportswear. Why not opt for our old friend navy, bright plaid patterns or seersucker (right), set off with a sporty belt – that is, not black leather but plaited or suede.
The mankleThe must-have accessory for the season is the male ankle. And it must go nude. Drop the socks and get odour-eating in-soles. Smart shoes combined with smart shorts actually, gasp, make pale Irish legs look okay, in a kind of Waspy geek-chic way. The Wasp aesthetic is built around a mix of confidence and self-deprecation that we could use in this country. Certainly it's better than going from overconfidence to severe depression.
Proper shoesJust because it's summer does not mean that your Asics should leave the gym locker. Instead, go sockless with a pair of light, but grown-up, brown or tan leather shoes. Trim brogues will do it, as opposed to the clunkier wintry ones. Or a pair of loafers – very now. Hell, you're even allowed wear tassles these days. If you plan on walking a lot, go for boat shoes, the king of summer shoes, now available in almost any colour and worn by rappers.
What not to wear
GAA shirtThere is an irony here. Back when everyone went to matches in either their Sunday best (older guys from the country) or a raincoat (all those unemployed Dublin fans you see in better times on Reeling in the Years), GAA jerseys were pretty worthy of street wearing: simple, neatly cut, not a bad T-shirt option. Nowadays, however, when they are part of the Irish male's summer wardrobe (ah, it's a depressing sight, seeing an Offaly jersey coming at you on a beach in southeast Asia), GAA jerseys are too busy, too baggy (unless you're a strapping member of the Cork team) and have severely uncool words such as Gain Feeds or Supermac's plastered across them. Trust me: you don't look as dashing as Jimmy Barry Murphy in his plain, rebel red.
Hunks of metalPremier League footballers have a lot to answer for. But their oft-copied taste in watches is another for the list: great hunks of metal, ungainly and unsightly. And look at poor Ronan O'Gara in that ad – he'll fall over with that thing if he's not careful. Anyway, whatever about such watches when they're hidden under coats, in summer your wrist should literally lighten up: go mad and get a brightly coloured Swatch, or a slim wristwatch from Uniform Wares – definitely worth going online for. If your piece isn't too bulky, swap the leather or metal strap for nylon or grosgrain.
Three-quarter-length shortsShorts that are not short enough. Look, pedal-pushers are for girls, and just because yours are combat-style, with pockets everywhere and those awful draw strings at the bottom, doesn't make them okay.
White socks
Now, I’m not even going to mention white socks and sandals. That, thankfully, is now the reserve of American tourists in beige Bermuda shorts seen wandering around Dublin 8 looking for the Guinness Storehouse. But the Irish male will still happily wear naff, pulled-up ankle shorts with runners and shorts. Some can even be seen swimming in them. Ugh. It’s not a look that flatters those milk-bottle appendages cooped up all winter.
