Being a young parent comes with expectations that you will sit back and do nothing with your life or that you have had a baby as an accessory or an excuse to just live off benefits.
Criticisms come from people making comments such as, “Oh, are you actually happy you’re pregnant?”; “Aren’t you too young to have a baby?”; and, my favourite, “Your life is over. You will never have a life now.”
Well, I was happy, I was not too young; I was 21. My life did not end; it got even better with my son in it.
My partner and I planned to start a family as it was the right time for us. I had just finished a course in social studies community care and we had eventually found our own place after living with my parents. We live in a lovely home, we have our own car, we both drive and make sure our son has everything he needs: nappies, bottles, food, baby milk, bedding and clothes; so many clothes.
Nightmare pregnancy
I'm not saying everything was brilliant. I had a nightmare pregnancy, being hospitalised more than 10 times. Money was tight and we had to learn to be parents and a couple all over again. A baby takes up a lot of time, energy and money. I have never thought of him as being a cost or taking up my time. I enjoy being with my son even when he is having a tantrum. Just one of his smiles makes it worthwhile. No matter how many nappies I have had to change or how many bottles had to be washed and sterilised, just looking at my son and knowing I am doing my best for him makes me feel happy.
Now he is the reason I get up every morning. He normally wakes me calling “mum and dad dad”. I get to wake up every day and watch him grow and learn new things, from his first words to crawling, walking, climbing or – his new thing – closing himself in his bedroom.
As the saying goes, it is hard work being a mum. It is a 24/7 job 365 days a year, with no holidays or sick leave. Yet it is the most rewarding thing in the world. You get paid in hugs, kisses, cheeky smiles and get to witness your little baby develop their own personality. Nothing is more rewarding. No amount of money can replace your child’s love.
Since we had our son, we have done first-aid training, my partner has done a game-design course and I have a part-time job. We are actively involved in our community with various organisations and youth groups, as well as young-parent groups.
Doing all these things while being parents leaves us no time to sit around and do nothing. This tends to surprise those who believe that young parents do not contribute to society and just live off the State.
We are trying to make sure we have a bright future and that our son will have a positive life. We plan to show him that it is a matter of knowing what you want and going for it. We had always agreed that I would pursue a career in youth work and my partner wants to try a few different areas of interest. Just because we have a child doesn't mean we can't do these things.
Great support
I've been lucky as I have had loads of support from family, friends and different organisations, which has allowed both myself and my partner to pursue our dreams as well as being parents.
There is not a thing I would change about being a parent, apart from maybe the fact that I would like to have more money: but, then again, who wouldn’t? We get to have our own lives and enjoy the precious moments of parenthood at the same time because we want to and have the support around us to do so.
Being a young parent is not for everyone, but as a young parent it is your choice to decide if you are going to prove the critics right or show them that just because you are young does not mean you have thrown your life away. Being young and a parent does not stop you being a good parent and role model.
Tanya Wrightson is a member of the youth advisory panel for Jigsaw Roscommon and Headstrong, The National Centre for Youth Mental Health. Tony Bates is on leave.