Emma Kavanagh is head of clinical services at the Rutland Centre. Here she offers some advice for people in recovery, or working towards sobriety, over the festive season.
– This time of year can be very challenging for people in recovery from both process and substance addictions. Celebrations centred on alcohol and Christmas traditions such as going to the races on St Stephen’s Day can be very problematic and triggering for people in recovery from alcohol addiction, from drug addiction and from gambling addiction.
– Routine is so important in recovery. However, it can go out the window for all of us over the holidays; people are up late and sleeping in. Keep a structure and routine: good sleep practices, making sure that you eat well, getting your daily exercise. All those things that affect us physiologically are also going to affect us emotionally and psychologically. The more we can keep them in place, the better resourced we’ll be to deal with other challenges that come our way and mitigate any threats to our recovery.
– Stay connected with your recovery community. In the festive period we get very caught up with family and friends. That’s hugely important, but other things can fall by the wayside. Fellowship meetings, supports, are the cornerstone of a good solid recovery and they’re equally if not more important at this time of year.
– Acknowledge how you feel. Holidays are not necessarily a great time for everyone. Many people struggle, particularly people in early recovery. It’s okay to acknowledge that it’s difficult. People feel sometimes they need to put on a brave face and not dampen the Christmas spirit by drawing attention to their struggles. However, it’s really important that people are able to do that. It’s important for their recovery, and it’s important for mental health in general, that people can make space for a variety of different feelings. Yes, Christmas can be enjoyable, but it can also be stressful and difficult.
– Remember that triggers aren’t always around the substance. So if I’m a cocaine addict, a trigger for me isn’t always going to be seeing cocaine, a trigger might be feeling isolated, I might use off of the feeling of isolation. For pornography, the trigger might not be seeing sexually explicit images, it might be feeling let down or disregarded. We can have a lot of emotional triggers, not just ones directly related to the substance or behaviour.
– Check in, either just self reflection or with someone that you trust, around your attitudes going into the holiday period. We can see it as a time of indulgence, and have a tendency to give ourselves greater latitude than we normally would. Be vigilant that this doesn’t spill over into your recovery, that the holidays don’t become a justification to drink or to act out.
– When I’m talking to clients coming up to holiday periods, I hear people speak about the feeling that they’re missing out, that they’re not able to do what their friends are able to do, or that they can’t go to certain events that might be triggering. That’s tough for people, but what’s also important is to play that forward in your head, to think: ‘By missing out on this now what does it ensure that I’m present for in the future. By not going to the pub on Christmas Eve, by not going to the races, does it ensure that I’m a present and stable figure in my children’s lives, and my partner’s life and my parents lives?’
– Planning is really, really important. Tease out your plans yourself or, for someone who is in early recovery, with your support system. Think about how you have spent the festivities previously. What do you normally do? And how does that normally go for you? Has that been healthy? Has it had an impact on your sobriety and your recovery in the past and what lessons can be learned?
– Plan where and how you’re going to spend the festivities, because impulsive decisions can sometimes lead to poor outcomes. Anticipate who is going to be there. Try to deduce if there will be any potential triggers or difficulties for you that you can either head off at the pass before you go, or can lead to an informed decision about whether you should go at all. Questions to yourself before an event might include: ‘Am I likely to see someone who I usually use with? Is it likely I will be offered something? Are the people at this respectful of my recovery, or have they derailed it in the past? What’s the environment going to be like? Am I going to a place where I’ve had lots of conflict before, and do I find conflict difficult to deal with? Is that something that I have used off of in the past?’
– Sometimes we will identify triggers in situations but, for a variety of reasons, may still need to attend. If you absolutely have to go, think about what safeguards you can put in place. Do you have an exit strategy? Do you have someone you can ring and check in with if you’re finding it really difficult? Give yourself a curfew or make a commitment with yourself in advance: ‘Okay, I’m going to show my face for an hour. And then I’m going to leave.’ For somebody in early recovery, bring someone else in on that commitment. Tell them: “I have to go to this thing. I’m going to leave after an hour. Can I give you a buzz on my way home?” Just by bringing in someone else, we’re a little bit more accountable, and that can be helpful.
– If you weigh things up and decide not to attend something, try not to feel guilty. We can feel like we’re letting people down, but affirm to yourself that prioritising your recovery is the most important thing, because without this everything else is in jeopardy.
– Have a support person you can flag things with, someone who is able to challenge you if they feel that you’re deviating. That person might be a sponsor, a friend who you’ve gone through treatment with, or a family member who has experience of your addiction and recovery.
– For families and friends, acknowledge that this can be a difficult time for people in recovery. Be open and honest. If you’re concerned, say it, but remember you’re not responsible for your loved ones’ actions. Families can be mindful and supportive, but it’s not their responsibility to keep people on track.
