It’s early days but I’ve designated 2015 as the year I am going to embrace my inner-businesswoman. I could have sworn to Trump I didn’t have one but recent events suggest she’s just been hiding under a desk in a trouser suit and sensibly heeled leather pumps all these years waiting for my passion for spreadsheets and pointless jargon to ignite.
Of course, there’s always a catalyst for these things. I met a younger businessman. We first met years ago when he was just a teenager who looked a bit like Prince Harry, and we “connected” – his words obviously – again recently when he had become a high-flying person of business who still has a look of a royal about him. He has opened up a whole new world to me.
At first, it was overwhelming. “I owe you an email,” he’d say and I’d wonder what he meant. But over time I realised this is what top-flight business people say when they’ve forgotten to send an email they previously said they’d send.
Regular civilians, the kind of unevolved person I used to be, would just go: “Oh, I meant to send you an email didn’t I? Sorry about that. I’ll send it in the next few minutes.” Then they’d probably, and I’m just speculating here based on personal experience, forget all about it. But you have to admit that is an awful lot of words to use when “I owe you an email” says it all.
He is always encouraging me to “share” things and to “reach out” to people. And I don’t even flinch when he says “reach out” anymore, which shows how far I’ve come. Once, before I entered this domain, I sent my brother Eddie in America an email asking how he was and how his work was going. By return email he thanked me for “reaching out” and he wasn’t even joking.
How scornful I was, at the time. Now, with my new business mentor using the phrase so fluently, I realise “reaching out” is much more effective than just “talking” with people or “emailing” them or “calling” on the phone. “Reaching out,” is an all encompassing phrase which says a million times more than “getting in touch” ever can and it should be celebrated, not derided. (Sorry, Ed.)
I’m not saying it’s been easy. My young business associate has an awful habit of “etroducing” me to people. That’s where you send an email to someone and you CC someone else. You might think “I’ll introduce you by email” would cover that eventuality but again, you are using more words than are actually needed and in business we don’t have time for that.
The funny thing is I came up with “etroducing” myself about a year ago. I thought I’d made it up. I went through a phase of “etroducing” people but then discovered it was already a widely used business phrase and I became allergic to my new word. But I’ve come to see it is essential in the modern world and now I use it as frequently as I use the world “brilliant”, which I’ve noticed business people don’t use quite as much. They favour “super” or “terrific”. I am not quite a proper business person yet and cannot bring myself to say “super” or “terrific”. Give me time.
My mentor, who is nearly half my age, set me a task which I decided must be a corporate test. He wanted me to fill in a spreadsheet about this thing we are working on together. “Excel is a man’s best friend,” he said by way of encouragement and that is a direct quote. Excel is not my best friend. It’s not even a passing acquaintance. My inner-businesswoman was not able for it. But she persevered and in true corporate style delegated the task to her mother. Unfortunately, that same day her mother had to go in to hospital to get injections in her eyeball and even though I was now a hard-headed, pragmatically minded business type, I couldn’t force her to fill a spreadsheet in those circumstances. I did it myself. I did a spreadsheet.
My ongoing apprenticeship has been a revelation: I actually think I could be "terrific" at business. Once I get over the corporate-speak and the replying immediately to emails and answering my phone instead of just letting it ring out, the world of business had better watch out. I just thought I should share all this with you. See? Share. Richard Branson. Call me. I'd like to emeet you. roisin@irishtimes.com