The Leaving Cert results are due out in a few weeks – Friday, August 25th – and parents can start to prepare the ground. That means having open conversations about what’s coming, says Susi Lodola, a psychotherapist accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
“Ask your child how they are feeling. If they say, ‘Grand. It’s not on my mind’, then leave the subject alone,” she says. “If they say they are worried, help them explore their thoughts around that,” she says. “Are they worried that they won’t get the course they want, or that they won’t get any offers at all? Listen to their worries.”
Results day
Steady yourself for a pick-and-mix of emotions on results day. Some students will get lower grades than they expected in subjects they loved, others will score surprise points in the ones they loathed. There will be those who get the points they need but are disappointed about an individual grade. Others will be ecstatic about a hard-earned H5 and ambivalent about the H1 that came easily to them.
Let them have all of their emotions
If your child didn’t get the points they hoped for, don’t try to jolly them out of their feelings. Don’t jump into solution mode too quickly either. “It’s no good saying to them, ‘Don’t worry about it, we’ll sort it out’, because they do worry about it. Let them talk about it, let them have a bit of time with that,” says Lodola. “Tell them, ‘Talk to me about what’s going through your mind. Let’s discuss your options when you are ready.’”
Shore up their confidence
Should they have studied more? Now is not the time to say it, says Lodola. “That kind of thing is really not helpful. Their confidence might be a little bit shot. They might be thinking, ‘What if I don’t get any course at all, or maybe I’m really not that clever’,” she says. “They might be experiencing self-doubt. You want to help them to build up their confidence again.”
“Remind them the results were a snapshot. It was the day that was in it. ‘You have done the exams, now you are well able to pursue other things that might be more suited to you.’”
Explore options
When your child is ready, start to explore their options. “Look at what offers they did get,” says Lodola. “What are the positives of the offer? Are there great facilities or extracurricular activities at that college, maybe some people they know are also going there, is there a route from that course to what your child really wanted?”
Slow and steady
On the practical side, students have five days before the first round of college offers is published. Round two offers come almost two weeks later. This gives students some breathing space. “I know someone who got their course on the eighth round. She had already spent a week in another course she had accepted, but then the offer came. Accept another course, but let the dust settle too,” says Lodola.
Think laterally
Aged 18, children don’t have enough life experience to really know what they want, so it’s about keeping an open mind, says Lodola. If your child was fixed on a particular course, ask them to consider a more general route, she says. “Do a general degree, and then when they are 21, having explored different subjects, they can pursue what they like in postgraduate study. Young people can get to where they want without rushing into something just because their friends are or because it’s a prestigious course,” she says.
Get context
While it might seem like the peers who got their course are set up, life is rarely a linear affair. Some 9 per cent of students drop out of college in first year, according to the Higher Education Authority (HEA). Others will finish their degree, spend time in a profession they chose at 18, before chucking it for something different. Indeed, about 7 per cent of those starting university are mature students. Remember: life is a longer game and happiness and fulfilment aren’t measured in points.