That's men for you: Padraig O'Morain'sguide to men's health
So what's your partner like in bed? Does she kick and tear the sheets off you and leave you exhausted the next morning? Or does she complain that she can't get a night's sleep with your carry on?
You could write a book about what goes on in bed, and now somebody has. Sociologist Paul Rosenblatt has written a rather scholarly book on the subject, called Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing, published by the State University of New York Press.
Most couples value the bed for the intimacy and because it's where they talk over the events of the day, Rosenblatt found. People mentioned sex too, but not all that much. Sharing a bed can also be a life saver. Rosenblatt was surprised at how many people had their lives saved by spouses who realised they needed to get to a hospital immediately.
But it's not all plain sailing. There is the issue of people stealing their partner's sheets during the night and differences over room temperature and whether windows should be kept open or shut.
And there is the question of snoring. As a snorer, I am on the side of persons with this affliction. It is particularly annoying when people wake you up in the middle of the night to complain that you've been keeping them awake with your snoring - when you know you are innocent because, after all, you didn't wake yourself up.
Still, I've compromised by buying large quantities of anti-snoring remedies. If my wife could just get over the snoring thing, I reckon we could afford an extra holiday in the sun.
Common sources of conflict in the bedroom are arguments over one partner watching TV or listening to the radio while the other is trying to sleep, according to the book. And there is the insomniac who keeps the other partner awake by tossing and turning all night so that they are both exhausted by the morning.
In the 21st century, the couple's bed is increasingly invaded by gadgets, a source of conflict for some and of togetherness for others. The thoroughly wired-up couple lie side by side, propped up on their pillows Bebo-ing away on their respective laptops.
Who are they Bebo-ing and why? Is it considered acceptable for one partner to investigate what's on the other partner's screen? Is tapping away on your laptop more or less acceptable than fingering your BlackBerry? We need an etiquette to cover this historically unprecedented situation.
Traditionalist partners object to this. The bed is a place for comfort, unwinding, spooning and talking things over, they argue. It is not a place for blogging or for working on your department's projections for the next three months.
Actually, I don't blog in bed because the wireless broadband signal doesn't reach the bedroom, despite what the man in the shop promised, so I have no idea how these arguments play out.
Despite all these differences and niggles, most people like to sleep with their partner for the comfort and intimacy. That's why sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa for any prolonged period represents a serious breach in a marriage. It doesn't matter very much if it happens now and again as a form of sulking but it is not good news if it goes on and on because the couple have grown cold towards each other. Somehow, sleeping apart in this way symbolises a loss of closeness which cannot be replicated outside the bedroom.
The closeness signified by the marital bed is, no doubt, behind the continuing speculation and even argument over Shakespeare's will, in which he left his second best bed to his wife. In fairness to the Bard, it is said that the best bed was generally reserved for guests at the time and that what he left her was the marital bed in which they had shared comfort and intimacy.
So appreciate your bed. It's more than a place for sleep. It is, in many ways, the place in which the relationship lives and breathes - and occasionally snores.
Padraig O'Morain's blog on men's issues is at www.justlikeaman.blogspot.com