Joe Armstrong looks at one reader's battle with addiction and how her concerns highlight the key issues with this behaviour
'The addictive behaviours I wanted to rid myself of are alcohol and pigging out. At weekends I over-indulge - drinking a bottle of wine and losing count of what I eat. I hate when I do this and wake up feeling so guilty that I almost feel like I have cheated on my husband - such is the contempt I feel for myself.
"I have always looked forward to having a few glasses of wine at the weekend because it signals the end of the working week and I have always thought I deserved it.
"Well, I was okay on Friday night but I thought of nothing else but wine from the moment I got up on Saturday morning until I went to bed on Sunday night. I felt so deprived. I felt like there was no point in being alive. I actually do not know how I lasted - at one stage I did almost give up. You see, I just associate it with relaxation.
How can I overcome this thought process? Will it get better? Have I a bigger drink problem than I thought? I was really thrilled when I woke up this morning and had managed the weekend but I don't know if I will find the strength to last. Love the column by the way and this is the first time I have been prompted to give up stuff for Lent - and it is all thanks to you."
- from reader MG
The extract from reader MG illustrates some of the key issues in addiction. Wanting to stop addictive behaviours. Feeling unable to stop once one starts. Self-loathing and feeling guilty after addictive behaviour. A sense of betraying significant others. Thinking you deserve to act out the addiction. Obsessing about the addictive activity. Feeling deprived without it and that life is not worth living.
Such is the power of addiction. But if our addictive self is operative, so too is what I call in Write Way to Stop Smoking our "higher self" - the part of us that is not addicted and knows a better way. It is this part of us that, aided by supporters, helps us to succeed, even if we feel close to giving up.
This part of us knows the folly of associating a healthy activity, like relaxation, with addictions.
The root of the problem lies in our thinking. Thought precedes action. We learn new ways to relax. Discover in our daily journal and weekly time-out that there is another way. We start believing in our potential and acting on that belief.
Beyond the torpor of addiction, personal fulfilment casts off its pipe dream status. Self-actualisation becomes touchable.
MG asks how to overcome the association of her addictive activity with relaxation. I suggest that you write down your perceived benefits from your addiction.
In MG's case, relaxation is an obvious one. Now, write down as many ways as you can imagine of achieving a similar benefit (relaxation) without acting out any of your addictions.
Act on these and you discover healthy ways to relax.
MG's delight at having managed the weekend is an indication of the energy we can tap into by getting out of the cave of addiction.
Her fear of not having the strength to last is understandable. But you only ever have to last for this moment. And we can do that.
joearmstrong@irish-times.ie
Write Way to Stop Smoking (Glebe, €12.99). For more information, see www.writeway2stopsmoking.com