We are making you an unrepeatable offer this morning.
We are going to pass on some of the expertise we have gleaned on the water charges. We guarantee the results. You will send your friends into a stupor while explaining the difference between excessive use and wilful waste - or the merits of the per-household calculation versus the per-person calculation.
It has all become very murky, and unfortunately at this stage even a tertiary treatment plant could not purify the muddy sludge that has emerged from the all-party committee.
All you need to know are these two facts: The committee will produce a report today, and sometime after Easter we will see legislation that will bear absolutely no similarity to it.
Those who think this report will be made into a law are those who think that when they buy a lottery ticket they are going to win the big prize.
The report will be a triumph for the five Right2Water members on the committee. Say what you want about Paul Murphy, but he is a very effective politician: energetic, articulate, focused and relentless.
The same can be said about Sinn Féin's Eoin Ó Broin. There is also the low-key Independent Thomas Pringle, who was a water services engineer in his previous existence.
Having seen the two big parties falling out, this side successfully manoeuvred Fianna Fáil to back some of its amendments. These included the crucial concession from Fianna Fáil that meters would not be obligatory in new buildings.
But now it is clear the two big parties are not in a mood for an election, and both will try to broker a deal when the legislation is being drawn up.
That will mean compromise on both sides. Invariably it will mean a Fianna Fáíl departure from the report recommendations. It will lead to more accusations of flip-flop. Sinn Féin already sense it, with Ó Broin yesterday warning about a slide.
There are still rows over the charging system, over how meters should be used, over how to go after wasters and over installing meters in new builds. No clear water yet though. Not now. Not for a long time. Perhaps never.
Here is Sarah Bardon's (non-boring) take on it all.
