Whatever about the temperature of hearts, there are plenty of warm hands in the Dáil.
This is what happens in the white heat of interregnum when protagonists face each other and the gloves come on.
It’ll be like this in Leinster House until the country gets its new taoiseach.
But until then, Enda Kenny must continue taking Leaders’ Questions with as much enthusiasm as he can muster and the various party leaders must continue with the pretence that they are every bit as interested in what he says now that he doesn’t have the power.
In reality, they are all going through the motions. Marking time.
When Kenny walked down the steps to his familiar seat in the chamber yesterday, he passed colleagues who had once fiercely supported him, some right up to the end of last week when he abruptly stepped down as party leader. And he passed a few who, on occasion, hadn’t much time for him.
But that doesn’t matter anymore.
They are no use to Enda now, and Enda is no use to them.
The Taoiseach has done his time: 15 years on the inside with six of them served in Government Buildings.
He’s doing a form of early release for the next few weeks but won’t be fully free until Fine Gael chooses a new leader and the Dáil votes him in as our next taoiseach.
The Fianna Fáil leader rose to his feet.
“I raise again with the Taoiseach the growing crisis in the mental health services,” began Micheál Martin.
“Cutbacks . . . recruitment . . . lack of strategic planning . . . damaging impact . . . bed shortages . . . staff shortages . . . anti-depressants . . . waiting lists . . . time for urgent intervention . . . problems . . . falling apart at the seams.”
Usual thing
The Taoiseach looked back at him. He wasn’t doing his usual thing, which involves writing notes in a cheap, spiral bound notebook.
There were 17 Fine Gael TDs with him. That number swiftly reduced by two when Kate O’Connell and Maria Bailey hurried from the chamber.
Both these brave soldiers of Coveney’s Legion of the Rearguard departed, the group remaining were all self-declared supporters of Leo Varadkar, who watched proceedings closely in between monitoring his phone.
A decent number to make a small choir.
The same deputy O’Connell, who branded those TDs who rallied in such hasty fashion to Varadkar’s side as nothing more than “choirboys” lining up “to sing for their supper” in the hope of getting a ministerial job from him, was getting great plaudits from Opposition politicians as she moved around Leinster House.
Fianna Fáil TDs had a great welcome for her. One of them spoke glowingly to us about how Kate introduced Coveney to a cheering crowd of Fine Gael grassroots in Athlone on Monday night.
“She said, ‘He’s the man who knows the difference between tillage and beef.’ She’s some woman.”
Back in the Dáil, Enda was now eyeing Gerry Adams, who was also on a health kick.
“Beds . . . vision for change . . . mental health provision . . . particularly grim . . . Dundalk . . .”
The Taoiseach read an answer from his briefing notes. It was similar to the one he gave to Micheál.
Leo was checking his phone again. He looked glum. Perhaps he had just read about the death of Roger Moore. Although, on the day that was in it, there was much to be glum about.
Overcrowding situation
And so to Mattie McGrath. He was on hospital watch too, berating the Taoiseach over the overcrowding situation and lack of services in South Tipperary General Hospital.
He produced a photocopy of one of Enda’s election billboards from 2011 and he waved it at him. “I’ll End the Scandal of Hospital Trolleys” it said.
“I hate waving things to you on your long goodbye, and I wish you well on your long goodbye . . . but how are you able to sleep at night when you think of this?”
Mattie was speaking so fast it was difficult to understand him. He said an awful lot in a very short space of time.
“Thanks, deputy McGrath,” said the Taoiseach. “Sometimes I find it hard to pick up all your words. But I think I heard you say that you wanted some insanity brought into this.”
Mattie: “Wha? What was that?”
Enda repeated what he said.
“I said what?”
“Some insanity brought into the situation. I think that’s what you said.”
“You know what I mean,” said Mattie.
Enda said again what he thought he heard.
“I said no such thing.”
“Maybe the sound is a little bit off,” mused Enda, who put an audio earpiece into his ear and took it out again when McGrath was in full flight.
“You’re hearing things,” snorted Mattie.
The clock ticked down.
Leo soon left the chamber and the Taoiseach was on his own for questions about his department. Simon was otherwise engaged too.
The way the calendar falls, there won’t be many more Leaders’ Questions for Enda, when next week’s bank holiday adjournment is factored in.
On Wednesday, when he faces it all again, at least he can tell himself: “Just two more days to go.”
