Widows and widowers were urged yesterday to talk about death. On the concluding day of the 8th conference of the International Federation of Widows and Widowers Associations (FIAV) in Dublin Castle, the delegates were addressed by Mr Jim Kuykendall, an American bereavement therapist and psychologist based in London.
The federation hopes to work with the EU and a group dealing with bereavement after road accidents.
The general assembly also agreed to hold the next conference in 2001 in Cameroon.
Ms Joan Towle, FIAV president, said speakers during the three-day conference stressed the importance of developing work with the EU.
She said another suggestion had been talks with a group which dealt with bereavement after road accidents. This was an important step as traffic accidents were the third most common cause of death, not only in developed countries but also in countries with fewer cars on the roads.
Ms May Clancy, of the National Association of Widows in Ireland, which organised and hosted the event, closed the session by telling delegates from all over the world that people were coming forward to work on behalf of widows and widowers.
Earlier, Mr Kuykendall, speaking about "Bereavement as we approach the new millennium", said people were afraid to let go. Most had been brought up in a culture of the stiff upper lip and told to be brave. There were millions of angry women and men who wanted to cry after bereavement but felt it was not acceptable.
Different countries dealt with it differently. In Mediterranean countries, people cried and let their feelings work but did not talk. In Teutonic countries, they talked but did not let their feelings show. "Ireland seems to have done both. It seems like you've pulled it off somehow," Mr Kuykendall said.
People should not be ashamed of any thoughts and feelings they might have about a deceased person because of the culture of "not speaking ill of the dead". In the new millennium, we should humanise and personalise death and speak clearly and without shame about our losses, he said.
There was a need to break down the conspiracies of silence within families, particularly in not talking about death.
"Maybe in the new millennium we should teach people to continue the dialogue about a person by not always eulogising them and not feeling guilty," he said.