Opinion

Sexual violence kept secret by up to 80% of survivors but those who speak out offer them hope

Rite & Reason: Callers to Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s helpline often just want to verbalise their abuse once and will never call again. People like Kathleen Correia offer them great inspiration

Kathleen Correia gave great solace to other abuse survivors by speaking out in public about her abuse by her former husband. She said she felt if she remained anonymous, she would continue to carry feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. Photograph: Collins Photos
Kathleen Correia gave great solace to other abuse survivors by speaking out in public about her abuse by her former husband. She said she felt if she remained anonymous, she would continue to carry feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. Photograph: Collins Photos
Rachel Morrogh
Sun Oct 27 2024 - 00:30

Last Monday, Kathleen Correia spoke outside the Central Criminal Court where her former husband had been jailed for eight years for raping and coercively controlling her, among other abuses.

She said coming to the decision to waive her anonymity had been difficult but it was right for her. Correia spoke about the years she had spent silent and concealing the truth, and how these had brought feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. She said she felt that if she remained anonymous, she would continue to carry those feelings.

These emotions and the burden of carrying complex trauma with no support will be well-recognised by victims and survivors of sexual violence. The social and cultural barriers that prevent people from speaking openly about this issue are taking decades to dismantle.

The ‘Signs of Hope’ awareness campaign gives survivors of sexual violence a platform to connect with others who have not sought help from support services

As recently as 1993, Lavinia Kerwick waived her anonymity in an interview with Gerry Ryan. Speaking about that seismic moment during an appearance on the Late Late Show in 2019, she said that “pre-1990/1991 you would never hear the word ‘rape’ on radio, it was like a curse word”.

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Kerwick’s extraordinary courage laid a path for victims of rape and sexual violence, who would go on to follow her lead and speak publicly themselves. As she said so powerfully, “this guilt and shame does not belong to you, it belongs to the rapist”.

Now, three decades later, Kathleen Correia’s message to the public is still about shame and guilt, the very same words that Lavinia Kerwick used. During this time, thousands of perpetrators have hidden in plain sight because the social stigma and silence associated with sexual violence have not yet been eliminated and have effectively provided perpetrators with cover.

Dublin Rape Crisis Centre is in awe of and grateful for the extraordinary contribution made by people who choose to speak publicly about their experience. But for the vast majority, speaking on the steps of the court is not an option. Only a tiny proportion of the overall number of people who have suffered sexual violence go on to see their perpetrator convicted of a crime.

Those who experienced child sexual abuse and are now in adulthood face even greater challenges. There are understandably many others who don’t want to speak publicly and there should be no pressure or shame in this either – every survivor of sexual violence has to feel the way forward for themselves.

For those who cannot or do not want to take the legal route, or those who start the process but never get the validation of a conviction, there may not be the same catharsis for the victim that a guilty verdict or public acknowledgment of wrongdoing may bring.

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So what are the options for people for whom a legal pathway is not taken? Without criminal justice, is there any justice for victims? Where is the validation for what happened? How can survivors find support from someone who understands and who has supported other survivors facing the same trauma many times before?

Over the summer, there was a criminal case in which a husband was found guilty of raping his wife over more than two decades. The media coverage of this case prompted other women who faced identical experiences to call the 24-hour National Rape Crisis Helpline, women who may never make a complaint to the Garda but who saw their own experiences mirrored in this case. They quietly shared in the triumph of the guilty verdict because it indirectly acknowledged their own experiences and this gave them the courage to pick up the phone. So there are many other victims who silently bear the trauma of similar experiences and who seek common ground with other survivors.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre believes in a future where there is no shame, there is no isolation and there is no stigma

This is why Dublin Rape Crisis Centre developed the “Signs of Hope” awareness campaign which gives survivors of sexual violence a platform to connect with others who have not sought help from support services. As many as eight in 10 people never seek help. This is a statistic we are focused on changing, by using messages crafted by survivors themselves that encourage others towards the confidential and anonymous National Rape Crisis Helpline.

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One handwritten message came from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse in a religious-run school. It reads, “I know a safe place you can tell your story.” The fact that in the past there was no safe place for him to talk chimes with what Archbishop of Dublin Dermot Farrell is reported to have said on US television during the week: “There was a culture of denial, a culture of covering up, a culture of silencing, ignoring.”

Many callers to the helpline will never go on to tell another person what happened to them. Others have said their loved ones suspect they were affected in some way and have tried to offer support, but that they don’t want their families to be “contaminated” by what happened to them.

Some callers report very matter of factly what happened to them and we know they will never call us again, because all they wanted to do was verbalise their abuse to someone. To hear a counsellor at the end of a phone say that it was never their fault, that they are believed and that their experience matters is enough for some victims.

One man who called us recently said he just wanted to speak the truth, to give acknowledgment to the awful wrongs he had endured in school. Like Kathleen Correira, he hoped that speaking the truth may set him free.

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It is hope that ties together the experiences of all the survivors fronting the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s awareness campaign. They believe in a future where there is no shame, there is no isolation and there is no stigma and where people feel entitled to access the support services that are out there.

Many callers to the helpline start with, “I’m not sure you can help me” and “I’m not sure I’m on to the right place.” Our message is that we can help you and you are on to the right place.

As the tagline of this campaign says, “When you’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen.”

Rachel Morrogh is chief executive of Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. Free, confidential support is available for anyone affected by sexual violence on the 24-hour National Helpline at 1800 77 88 88