It was around this time five years ago that some of us lost the run of ourselves with pandemic purchases. A few cautious shoppers opted for jigsaws and breadmaking machines while others found themselves acquiring bearded dragons, hot tubs and campervans.
But not many went to the lengths that Paul Quill reached when he repeatedly clicked “Order Now”.
The Australian recently pleaded guilty to charges related to sham expense claims of more than $2.78 million, mostly made during the Covid-19 lockdowns.
The Deloitte worker bought rare pink diamonds, works of art, designer clothes and furniture and claimed the purchases as work expenses for items such as stationery, couriers and search and filing fees.
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Of course, expense claims are always ripe for a little embellishment. And few employees are better than journalists at using creative licence when totting up their crumpled receipts. More than one editor has wished their reporters would put as much thought and creativity into their stories as they do when filing their expense claims.
The late Fleet Street reporter Peter Batt knew his way around an expense sheet more than most and liked to take the scenic and more colourful route if possible. While working with the Sun, he submitted an expense claim for lunch with the Irish racing trainer Vincent O’Brien. The eagle-eyed person processing his expenses noticed that the receipt included two children’s meals. When questioned about this, he reasonably pointed out that the trainer had two jockeys with him and because they were watching their weight, they ordered from the kids’ menu.
That story comes courtesy of his friend, sportswriter Norman Giller, who also has many stories about the inventive expense claims of Daily Express columnist Des Hackett. The sports writer once submitted a £10 claim for hiring a waterproof suit. This was apparently necessary to interview the Olympic race walker Don Thompson who was known to train in a steam-filled bathroom. Sounds legit, until you hear the journalist did the interview by phone.
The British book Secrets of the Press: Journalists on Journalism devotes a whole chapter to the questionable business of expenses and includes the story about a travel correspondent who was chastised by his editor for claiming expenses for a half carafe of rosé wine. Was the bill too high, you may wonder. Actually it was too low in the eyes of his editor who said no one in their right mind would drink a half carafe. He also objected to the choice of wine, believing rosé was no drink for a man.
In the older, more free-wheeling days, foreign correspondents had much greater leeway with their expenses than the office-based reporters who were trying to pass off beer-stained receipts from Ye Olde Cock Tavern. The book tells the tale of the Express journalist who reputedly had his racehorse shipped to New York on the QE2 because it was a much-loved family pet. And there was the hefty bill from an overseas correspondent for “local transport” in the Middle East. When the accounts department queried this, it was told that it was for the hire of a racing camel and “the final cost included its burial after the beast had rendered magnificent heart-bursting service to the paper”.
I don’t think you’d get away with that in the Sligo Champion or the Gorey Guardian. British journalists did seem to be far more ambitious than their Irish counterparts when it came to clocking up expenses in the glory days. Back in the 1990s, the House of Commons heard allegations – never proven, mind you – of an overseas BBC correspondent having air freighted a piano from South Africa to Europe, and having expensed a lawnmower while living on the fifth floor in an overseas apartment building.
If you think those expenses are out of this world, how much do you think it would cost to actually travel out of this world for work? The bill might not be as large as you think. A few years ago Buzz Aldrin shared a photograph of his expense claim associated with his very famous work trip.
The travel expenses for Col Edwin E Aldrin cover the period from July 7th to 27th in 1969 and show that his journey went from his home in Houston to Cape Kennedy, Florida, to the moon, to the Pacific Ocean, Hawaii and back to Houston. Mr Aldrin used “Gov. Air” to get from Houston to Cape Kennedy and then “Gov. Spacecraft” to get from Cape Kennedy to “Moon”.
And his total expense claim for travelling to the moon on the Apollo 11 mission? The grand total of $33.31. Sure it wouldn’t even cover the hire of a camel.
