We’re not sure if government formation was on the menu on Thursday night when the Taoiseach and Tánaiste dined on Haggis and tatties in the regal surrounds of the Great Hall of Edinburgh Castle.
Surrounded by swords and shields and spears on the blood red walls, Simon Harris and Micheál Martin broke bread with Scottish first minister John “Honest John” Swinney at a dinner to celebrate 25 years of the British-Irish Council and continuing peace and co-operation on our islands.
They enjoyed a feast of traditional Haggis and gravy, followed by Scottish beef with winter veg and mountains of mash, and topped it all off with a sumptuous chocolate and cherry cake.
There was pomp and ceremony and eight senior ministers were “piped into the room” – not in the cake decorating sense but by men in kilts playing the bagpipes.
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Mischievous Micheál cheekily grabs the GE24 champagne bottle from under Simon’s nose
In an example of parity of esteem in action, Simon and Micheál were seated at the top table with first minister Swinney, who hosted a great night.
But there was more. At the end of the meal, the host made an irresistible offer to his guests.
“Would you like to see the crown jewels?”
“Well, seeing as you bought us dinner,” they replied. Not.
A small group was led up a spiral staircase in a turret to the vault, and there, behind huge doors, were the Scottish crown jewels – a magnificent crown, a sceptre and bejewelled sword.
They were just back in their usual home having been out on view when King Charles visited the Scottish parliament. Also in the group was Northern Ireland’s Deputy First Minister Emma Little-Pengelly (wearing an exquisite wrap to keep the castle cold out) as well as staff from the Irish Government, Northern Executive and British embassy.
There was a slight frisson when the tour guide mentioned Oliver Cromwell: “These are the crown jewels he didn’t get his hands on and manage to melt down, we protected them.”
“He’s no friend of ours,” shouted one of the delegation.
“I know! I know my audience,” replied the guide to nervous laughter from the British embassy contingent.
That’s pretty much the Fianna Fáil assessment of Fine Gael’s proposal for a straight division of government spoils following their uneven general election results.
Acting Taoiseach Simon Harris wants “parity of esteem”. He wants things at the top to stay as they were before the general election.
The bragging rights belong to Fianna Fáil. Micheál has been struggling all week to keep the smile off his face
But things at the top are different now.
Acting Tánaiste Micheál Martin wants a dividend on his 10-seat bonus over Fine Gael. The numbers must be honoured. His troops are adamant – how can things stay as they were when the parties aren’t equal any more?
Except that they are equal, crucially, in their mutual dependence.
Simon knows this. He said on Friday that Fine Gael would not be taken for granted in government formation negotiations.
But the bragging rights belong to Fianna Fáil. Micheál has been struggling all week to keep the smile off his face. When asked about Sinn Féin continually and pointedly referring to Fine Gael as “the junior coalition partner” he tut-tuts and says, “I would have no truck with that kind of language.”
But inside, as sources close to him admit, he is dancing.
Fianna Fáil say Micheál must be allowed a longer stint in the Taoiseach’s office than his Fine Gael counterpart. They see more ministries and plum jobs coming the party’s way – not for base gain, you understand, but in the interest of the country.
Oh, and more space and a better view from bigger offices because they have more people to accommodate now.
The battle to retake the fifth floor of Leinster House has already commenced.
This used to be a Fianna Fáil stronghold – spacious accommodation befitting the soldiers of destiny with lovely views over the Leinster House grounds and Merrion Square. This is where Charlie Haughey and other major figures from the party ruled the roost.
Then the crash came and the party was almost wiped out, returning to the Dáil in 2011, much diminished and licking its wounds. Fine Gael took possession of the coveted fifth floor for its party rooms.
Fianna Fáil was banished to a suite of rooms in the basement of the Leinster House 2000 annex.
Now they want their territory back. They have the numbers to do it. Micheál has already been complaining that there wasn’t enough room for all his TDs at their parliamentary party meeting this week.
Will Simon capitulate gracefully and continue in government? Or dig in on the fifth floor and push his parody of esteem? It’s the only game in town.
Ireland’s noble sport of electoral lifting is a joy to behold. It’s a major highlight of every count
We know now what Micheál was up to in Macroom three weeks ago when he almost banjaxed his quota by climbing very awkwardly on to a buffalo, gamely attempting to keep his balance while people standing around laughed and cheered.
The Fianna Fáil leader was practising for his big moment in Cork South Central when he would be elected for the zillionth time and held aloft for all his admirers to get a good look at him.
The practise run helped a lot.
Once the results were announced, Micheál’s mandatory hoist stage commenced immediately. It was a very clean lift.
Once smoothly up on to the shoulders, Micheál unleashed the always difficult double-armed clenched fist-pumping routine, followed by a synchronised thumbs up display with open-palm variation and springy bottom rebound, smiling throughout.
It was a near faultless display from a seasoned performer.
When the score was adjusted for electoral bounce he won an unprecedented 48 seats. Taoiseach in waiting (unless he wants to put runner-up Simon Harris in first, which is highly unlikely).
However, he had competition in the constituency from outgoing senator Jerry Buttimer, whose effort deserves a commendation for bravery.
Jerry was duly flung up on the shoulders of his jigging supporters, despite having sustained bruised ribs and a broken nose when he fell over a railing while out canvassing with Simon Coveney in Ballinlough.
Even though he was thrilled to regain his old seat, his nose was still out of joint. “I have to go to the doctor in a week or so to have it realigned,” he said happily.
Ireland’s noble sport of electoral lifting is a joy to behold. A magnificent jewel in the crown of our democratic process. It’s a major highlight of every count.
The joyous victory launch is still very male dominated. While women are increasingly taking up the sport, they remain more reserved than their red-faced and roaring counterparts. The lads lifting them also tend to hold back for fear they’ll be cancelled faster than a Masterchef judge if a hand slips mid-manoeuvre.
Barry Heneghan, the newly elected independent TD for Dublin Bay North, did very well on his first outing. Not only did he introduce an arresting moustache into his routine but a non-lifting team-mate sprayed a bottle of champagne into the air, Formula One style.
In Roscommon-Galway, onlookers watched anxiously as Independent Ireland’s Michael Fitzmaurice was re-elected. Michael, a farmer and contractor, has hands like shovels and could easily carry a Ceann Comhairle under each arm in the event of an emergency.
But there was nothing to worry about as Fitzmaurice was effortlessly hoisted skywards by lads with biceps the size of bullocks.
Meath East showcased two vastly differing style categories when first time Independent TD Gillian Toole gamely agreed to be hoisted by her overjoyed supporters but was clearly completely mortified.
No such qualms for outgoing Minister of State, Thomas Byrne of Fianna Fáil, who went bonkers, sparking fears he might spontaneously combust and burn down the count centre.
Sinn Féin like to accessorise their well-executed hoists with a profusion of flags but Cork North Central’s Tommy Gould took the SF category honours by passionately belting out a rousing version of We’re on the one Road while shoulder high.
So many high-quality routines in all the constituencies as candidates celebrated with abandon.
Our overall favourite came late on Saturday night from Dún Laoghaire, when Senator Barry Ward of Fine Gael finally made the breakthrough to Dáil Éireann.
Barrister Barry is very sturdily built. But a small cohort of determined men clustered around the candidate and, when the announcement came, they sprang into action, grabbing Barry by the legs and clinging to the back of his jacket for added stability.
It was as tense as an Olympic weightlifting final. They bent their knees, locked on for dear life and in one swift movement, propelled him almost on to their shoulders. They stood, just for a few seconds, with Barry above them.
They wobbled and then they buckled and everyone tilted sideways and they dropped him.
Champion display.
By everyone around the country.
Hoist by their own die-hards and delighted to be. This is the political heave all TDs want to experience.
There was a huge turnout in the City of the Tribes on Thursday for a memorial Mass celebrating the life of former senator Billy Lawless, the Galway-born, Chicago-based businessman who died last month.
Billy was nominated to the Upper House by Enda Kenny in 2016 and during his time in the Seanad was a committed advocate for the Irish diaspora in America. He emigrated with his family to Chicago in 1998 and set up a successful pub and restaurant chain, giving jobs over the years to many young Irishmen and women and becoming a champion of undocumented Irish emigrants.
His work was recognised on both sides of the Atlantic – he was awarded an honorary doctorate by University of Galway and was made a Freeman of the City in 2015, while he was a regular visitor to Capitol Hill where he was on first-name terms with senior US politicians.
On Thursday locals queued up for over an hour to express their condolences to Billy’s wife, Anne, and his family, and Mass was attended by the Mayor of Galway and councillors in full robes and regalia.
Among the attendance were members of the Seanad Independent Group including Michael McDowell, Victor Boyhan and Gerard Craughwell along with Galway TDs Hildegarde Naughton and Noel Grealish.
“Billy served with distinction as part of our 10-strong group of Independent members in Seanad Éireann” said Senator McDowell. “He was a political force who made a difference in Irish and American politics over many years, and the service was a fitting tribute and warm homecoming for him.”
One of the new TDs in Leinster House provides an interesting link with political upheavals past.
Brian Brennan of Fine Gael, who topped the poll in the new constituency of Wicklow-Wexford in his first general election outing, was once the owner of the Green Isle Hotel in west Dublin. And during his time at the helm, a group of TDs from the party shot to national prominence as the infamous “Green Isle Nine”. In 2010 they plotted their next move in an inept heave against Enda Kenny’s leadership at an early morning meeting in Brennan’s hotel.
It was supposed to be a secret gathering, but their plans were rumbled by the media (there was talk of a double agent in the camp) and the embarrassed TDs fled the scene.
None of the members of the Green Isle Gang who met to plot Enda’s political demise are members of the Dáil now.
Brian Hayes, Olivia Mitchell, Billy Timmins and Olwyn Enright (who joined the meeting by speakerphone) have long since departed the Dáil, although Olwyn returned to the fray this year as the party’s national director of elections.
The other five – Leo Varadkar, Michael Creed, Denis Naughten, Fergus O’Dowd and Richard Bruton – bowed out only this year.
But Brian Brennan is now in Leinster House so the Fine Gael link to the Green Isle remains unbroken (even if Brennan subsequently lost his properties and went to the UK as part of an insolvency deal before returning here).
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