In early January 2004 I was a month shy of my 24th birthday and about to come to the end of a period of intense frustration in my rugby career, although I didn’t know anything about the impending upturn in fortune at that juncture. The psychological remnants of missing out on a World Cup a few months earlier were still needling away, and I was distracted by disappointment.
The internal monologue was asking some pointed questions. I had ambitions to play for Ireland on a regular basis, but it was pretty evident that I was some distance from achieving that goal. I had spent time on building mental resilience with Enda McNulty, but my patience was stretched to breaking point.
Even the toughest competitors that I have come across encounter at some point the most formidable opponent – self-doubt – where resolve is tested, often to the max. The ability to keep going, to push through, is what breaks the shackles.
Thomas Fuller wrote that “the darkest hour of the night comes before dawn,” a sentiment with which I could identify at that time. I was close to that breaking point but in a perverse way, on the rugby pitch, I played with freedom because I was no longer fixated on selection.
The sliding door moment for me in terms of my predicament was a conversation with the then Leinster coach Gary Ella, who sidled up to me on the short walk from the dressing room to the pitch in Old Belvedere to ask me if I fancied a spin in the 13 jersey for a European match away to the Sale Sharks, two weeks before the opening game of the Six Nations Championship against France in Paris.
I went pretty well in Stockport and following an injury to Brian O’Driscoll played in the centre alongside Kevin Maggs in Paris. I kept my place in the team and ended up winning the first-ever player of the tournament award; it’s not to brag but to illustrate that there are plot twists in many sports people’s careers that cannot be anticipated.
Ireland’s squad is reasonably settled with the obvious exception of Johnny Sexton’s successor. While there has been plenty of jostling to provide back-up to Sexton over the last 24 months, it is abundantly clear that Jack Crowley is now first in line and barring injury will earn his first Six Nations start in Marseilles.
The young outhalf who turned 24 at the start of January has endured moments in his fledgling career that might have seen him question what lay ahead, provincially never mind internationally. He struggled for game time when Johann van Graan was in charge at Munster. Ronan O’Gara tried to lure him to La Rochelle.
I’d be pretty sure he considered that offer long and hard but the fact that he stayed to fight for the position reveals a lot about his character: leaving would have been an easier option in some respects. Over the past couple of seasons, he’s pushed past Joey Carbery in Munster and by the time the World Cup ended he was Sexton’s deputy.
The Six Nations provides his biggest opportunity to find an identity in the green jersey. He’s got to be allowed the scope to breathe at Test level. He is not the next Johnny Sexton, he is the first Jack Crowley and while he can take what he learned working with his predecessor, he must play the game through his eyes.
Peter O’Mahony’s presence is important for the young outhalf, bringing a level of familiarity and comfort that will allow Crowley to focus on managing the game for the team, leaning on the Ireland captain when required. O’Mahony will know when he needs to take the lead in the decision-making process in terms of his outhalf, with a word here and there.
I wrote before Christmas how for me, O’Mahony would be the right choice to succeed Sexton as Ireland captain, completely unaware of the contract issues going on in the background. He won’t let that affect him, but the timing is a shame when he should have been celebrating the ultimate honour as a player.
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In an industry where your value is intrinsically linked to how much you are paid with the discriminating factor of age thrown into the mix, you eventually get to a point where you are not sure you are willing to play any longer for considerably less money. It started for me at 32, when I had to reconcile the drop in salary with how valued I felt. It can be quite a sobering experience when you read that bottom line on a contract.
There is a healthy Munster influence within this squad, and rightly so with everything they have achieved in the last 18 months. They will do well to tap into the province’s recent raid of Toulon in the Stade Mayol, where O’Mahony was a pivotal influence, his fingerprints all over the performance.
It emphasised once again why he is the right captain for Ireland at this point in time, someone that players look to with an unwavering belief in tight matches, drawing confidence from his presence.
There are fewer places harder to go and win in world rugby than away in France, and this time it is complicated by the fact that the game won’t be played in the familiar surroundings of the Stade de France. Marseilles is a classic soccer stadium, high stands that tower over the pitch, which will make for better acoustics. The Marseillaise won’t ever have sounded louder.
Ireland have proved several times in the last 18 months that they have the capacity to fight and win in adversarial circumstances. They’ll need to draw on that again come Friday night.
