“I hope Puma does not produce condoms.”

Switzerland’s Xherdan Shaqiri’s not unreasonable concern after his team’s Puma shirts disintegrated during their game against France.

“They put the bus in the net so it’s difficult when one team don’t try to play football and try to win the game …. they celebrated like they had won the tournament, or something. That’s a small mentality. That’s why they’ll do nothing in the competition.”

Cristiano Ronaldo magnanimously hailing Iceland after their draw with Portugal…..

“It makes it even sweeter when he’s a sore loser like that. What can I say? Tough shit. What does he expect - for us to play like Barcelona against him? He fannies about and dives around. He’s a fantastic footballer, but he’s not a gracious human being.”

….. and the spicy response of Iceland’s Kari Arnason.

“After losing to Wales me and some players gathered in my room, talked until 9am and then concluded: “We’re shit” in unison.”

Russian coach Leonid Slutsky on a rather frank Euro 2016 post-mortem.

“Should Roy Hodgson drop Joe Hart for the quarter-finals?”

ITV presenter Mark Pougatch at half-time in England’s game against Iceland …. when they were losing 2-1. Hart did indeed miss out on the quarter-finals, but so did all his team-mates.

“I don’t see anything wrong with the fans fighting. Quite the opposite, well done lads, keep it up!”

Igor Lebedev (deputy chairman of the Russian parliament and a member of the Russian football union’s executive committee) hailing the supporters’ rioting efforts.

“About 80 per cent of you here have at some point scratched your balls. It is not an issue in the team.”

Lukas Podolski defending Jogi Loew after Scratch ‘n Sniff-gate.

“Have you been drinking?”

Roy Keane on being asked by a reporter if Ireland were favourites for their game against Belgium.

“I live with criticism, but apart from death, I don’t think anything else can effect me. People being negative is not interesting for me. People who criticise are never going to have a good life.”

Belgian coach Marc Wilmots with a quiet word for his critics.

“The last time I lifted a weight? Probably that can of Red Bull the other day.”

The gym-averse Jamie Vardy.

“That’s football. Sometimes you’re the dog, sometimes you’re the tree.”

Germany’s Mario Gotze on criticism of his performances at Euro 2016, two years after his goal won the 2014 World Cup final.

“Wenger shook my hand and congratulated me on the Europa League win with Sevilla. Then he asked me if I’d reached an agreement with PSG.”

Croatia’s team doctor Tomaslav Madzar on Arsene confusing him for soon-to-be appointed Paris Saint-Germain manager Unai Emery. Morto.

“In 2016 McGovern single-handedly denied Germany eight goals at the Euro 2016 finals, and is widely recognised as the greatest goalkeeper to ever play the game.”

After his performance against Germany, Northern Ireland keeper Michael’s Wikipedia page received an update.

“Everyone is a bit groggy. I ask myself if the England players were themselves not left a little groggy by the whole thing.”

Arsene Wenger wondering if Brexit was responsible for England’s Euro 2016 exit…..

“After Poland-Portugal, the Belgium-Wales quarter-final was a long, sweet happiness, as if the football Gods wanted to apologise.”

L’Equipe almost forgiving the Gods for the P-P snoozefest.

“I’ve not really thought about it. I don’t think any of us have.”

….. Harry Kane ruling out the notion that Brexit was responsible for England’s Euro 2016 exit.

“The giving of the diplomatic passports is heartfelt. Ambassadors have these passports. These players are just like ambassadors.”

Albania prime minister Edi Rama rewarding the national team for their highly respectable major-tournament debut.

“Hamsik is two-footed. That’s left foot and right foot.”

Glenn Hoddle, educating ITV’s viewers.

“The Russian team is soft - we need a Stalinist mobilisation. Mental, physical severe power.”

The Communist Party of Russia’s blueprint for a more successful national team.

“They made my mother cry. But don’t worry, I’ll hold them to account.”

Turkey captain Arda Turan after critics lambasted him for his displays in the first two group games. They’re still in hiding.

“Robbie Brady you absolute ride.”

Shane Lowry tweeting his love for the fella after that goal against Italy.

“Imagine there was once a time when the law would not allow me to marry Robbie Brady.”

And Newstalk’s Oisin Langan on finding the love of his life.

“My head’s not really working.”

Robbie Brady in his post-(Italy)-match chat, to which a nation replied: ‘It worked when it mattered, you beauty!’

“I can’t win, I’m either too angry or too happy. I can’t find the line in between … I’m always hugging people but usually people don’t see that, whether it’s my dogs, my family or my friends. That’s what you do when you’re happy.”

Roy Keane on the universal shocked reaction to him being so smiley after the Italian win.

“I came from this place people call ‘ghetto Rosengard’, conquered Sweden and made it my country. My way. I am Sweden. A huge thank you to the Swedish people - without you I would never have been able to fulfill my dreams. You will always be in my blue and yellow heart. I love you.’

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s adieu after playing his final game for his country.