Paddy makes a wish. For a goat. No, seriously. Out of all the things anyone could wish for, Paddy just wants this goat. It must be a very special sort of goat, right? No. It was just a goat that he milks.

Then John comes along and sees Paddy with the goat. John thinks: “He has a goat and I have nothing.” So John tries to steal the goat from Paddy.

“Here, what are you at?” says Paddy when he sees this.

“Gimme that goat,” says John.

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“No, go away,” says Paddy.

“No!” shouts John.

So Paddy says: “If I give you some milk, will you leave me and Cornelius alone?”

“Cornelius? That’s an odd name for a goat,” says John.

“Yeah, I think he looks like a Rex, but that’s a dog’s name,” says Paddy.

“Yeah, in fairness,” says John. “You can’t be giving a dog’s name to a goat.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” says Paddy.

After a sufficiently awkward silence, John says, “right, give me some milk and I’ll be off.” Paddy hands him a bottle and everyone is sorted.