Nothing drowns out the hubbub of real life like the soulless hum oftechnology - which is why clever gadgets make perfect holidaychums, says Ed Power
Gadgets won't fly into a sulk if you pass out in a hotel lobby after guzzling too much duty-free. Nor will they start a fight with some guy who jostles you in a nightclub or insist you accompany them on a trip to the museum when you really want to lounge by the pool. No matter how excessive or pedestrian your antics, your machine buddies will tag along, keeping their complaints to themselves.
All they expect in return is that you occasionally stump up for new batteries and not spill beer on them. A cutsey favourite is Nintendo's Gameboy Advance, the hand-held console with processing power rivalling that of the original PlayStation. Scarcely larger than a generously padded wallet and reassuringly robust, the GBA boasts an impressive - though sometimes pricey - catalogue of games. Admirers of Lara Croft are advised to check out the enthralling Tomb Raider-Prophecy and hardcore fantasy devotees will go wobbly-kneed for the swords and sorcery epic The Legend of Zelda. Verily it be a hoot, my little hobbits.
While GBA is the only viable option for gamers on-the-go, music fans driven batty by holiday discos face a mind-boggling selection of portable CD players, mini-disks and MP3 devices. For true technophiles, the only respectable option is Apple's astonishing iPod, an elegant MP3 player with storage space for 7,500 songs (nearly enough for the recorded works of Bob Dylan). However, the €600 retail price means splurging on a top-of-the range iPod may necessitate remortgaging your house and auctioning vital organs. To keep your accountants sweet, instead consider a digital radio (prices start at around €100) and ideal for those who refuse to leave the country for fear of missing Liveline.
Telly addicts have a much tougher time abroad, the subtle delights of Italian quiz shows or German sit-coms being generally lost on Irish tourists. Relief of sorts is on hand in the form of one of the plethora of portable DVD players on the market. Sony's cheapest offering costs €1,299; plus you'll have to pony up for some movies.
Going to a local cinema with a phrase book might be a cheaper solution. If cash isn't an issue and you really need a break from other people, full immersion DVD goggles (available from i-glassesstore.com) are the answer. Don't be surprised if you're without friends after a few months though.
Several rungs down the high-tech food- chain, digital cameras are fast becoming holiday essentials. Fuss-free entry-level models start at around €160 which is still a little steep perhaps, but think of the money you'll save on film. Zoom-lens cameras cost approximately €100 extra.
For diehard boffins, holidays sans e-mail is tantamount to a barbecue without spare ribs and "Hail to the Chef" apron. An occasional visit to a cyber cafe is unlikely to satisfy, making a laptop computer mandatory. Easily, the most desirable is Apple's gorgeous PowerBook, boasting an enormous monitor, sufficient processing power to pilot a space shuttle and a price tag hefty enough to induce an out-of-body experience in your bank manager.
If such opulence leaves you cold, then consider a low-spec Windows laptop PC, surely the hardware equivalent of an off-season fortnight in Benidorm. Even cheaper alternatives include palm pilots and tablet PCs, many of which feature e-mail access. Failing that, just let go, the Internet will (probably) still be here when you get back.
Of greater interest to clean living outdoorsy types will be the miniature Victorinox Swiss army knife. Smaller than a credit card, the Victorinox-mini is recommended for backpackers short on storage space, assuming they make it past airport security. As ramblers risk being bitten to distraction by ravenous bugs, it may also be prudent to find one of the many ultrasonic bug repellents available.
Of course, technology can let you down at moments of maximum inconvenience, particularly when the battery goes dead and the nearest store is miles away. To avoid tech-rage, therefore, ditch the gadgets in favour of low-maintenance entertainment. Such as a book. Or a friend.
