For months now I have been haunted by Brendan Behan’s granny. Well, “haunted” may be a bit strong. I blame Irish Water, climate change, global warming, drought, wildfires, hose bans and the long hot summer of 2018.
In fact I think Irish Water should make Brendan Behan’s granny its poster girl, so to speak. It would send out a tremendous message about water conservation. It also lacks that certain risqué factor which is probably why we were never advised this summer to “save water, shower with a friend”.
That slogan was all the rage during the last great hot summer, of 1976. It did not even make a guest appearance this year. It appears to have gone the way of all great slogans – down the bottomless plughole. Along with such as “a friend with weed is a friend indeed”, and “where there’s dope, there’s hope”, or “I get high with a little help from my friends”. All so very 1970s.
Indeed it has been proven that, even where two can live as cheaply as one, it does not follow that showering together saves water. Studies (who researches these things?) show that in fact you use more water and spend longer washing when showering together. It may be related to space and, er, other matters.
In the shower
According to more studies, the average person spends eight minutes in a shower – the same length as it takes light to travel from the sun to Earth.
An average shower uses 62 litres of water, compared to 80 litres for the average bath. (And God knows how many light years of your life you will also waste soaking to a wrinkle therein).
Of course showers are comparatively new, not least in Ireland. Before then, there was the bath. Or the local river, pond, lake, bay. Brendan Behan's granny favoured the bath, even if "favoured" is a bit strong.
She had “a bath once a year whether she needed it or not”, he claimed. He was not finished there. “But she was in no way bigoted in the washing line in between times” either, he said.
Clearly, she was the sort of Dub that farmers opposed to piping water from the Shannon cross country to the city would love.
Granny, from French granddame, meaning "great lady".
inaword@irishtimes.com
