If social media has one sacred function, it’s in allowing us to ruthlessly manipulate our own self-image. For most, this involves wrenching our big, dumpy faces into jowl-defying pouts, or holding in our tummies so hard we start hallucinating. For Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, however, the possibilities are much greater. “Cabinet Committee F meeting for the second time today,” tweeted the Taoiseach under a photo of him leading a meeting of important-looking security chiefs – and all with the breathless air of a man who wants you to know he often sharpens his pencil with a potato knife.
While most saw this as a moderately embarrassing bit of press puff, a sort of diplomatic duckface, some Tweeters asked if our nation’s security was being subverted. “A photo like this puts our nation at risk,” said one. “Have you any idea how many 12-year-old kids have the know-how to listen in via your live phone?” asked an incredulous Kevin Higgins, raising the most horrifying prospect of the entire mortifying saga: 12-year-old citizens being subjected to Irish ministerial briefings.
Of course, just over the pond, thousands of teens were about to get their own schooling in world events, when YouTube superstars the Dolan Twins encouraged their UK Twitter followers to meet them in London. Boasting the looks and personality of the pictures that come with photo frames, the duo have amassed literally tens of millions of adoring fans, some few thousand of whom promptly marched to meet their idols in Hyde Park.
Blandroids
Accounts followed from “hysterical” fans, who’d travelled all day, and arrived to find chaotic scenes, trampling throngs and, significantly, no sign of the lantern-jawed blandroids. Unfortunately, the brothers had been unaware that this was Remembrance Sunday, resulting in a cancellation of their appearance just an hour before kick-off – and an excruciating series of apologies for dispatching an excitable throng of teens upon a scene of sombre reflection. “I had no idea there was a memorial in Hyde Park today for Remembrance Day,” said Grayson. “It’s more important to pay respect than anything right now. I feel horrible.”
Luckily, some fan interactions were put under a better light this week. At a time of daily accounts of abuses from our pop-cultural heroes, Twitter user @bakkooonn encouraged his followers to share their most reassuringly pleasant celebrity encounters. They dutifully delivered, and there followed tales of lifts from Pete Postlethwaite, board game sessions with Woody Harrelson, and definitive confirmation of those celebrities most likely to play Frisbee or help you pick up rubbish (Michael Keaton and Keanu Reeves respectively).
At a time of fake news, flakey twins and fallen idols, it goes to show Twitter can still serve up the occasional heart-warming tonic.
