“Don’t get angry with me… I never caused you no pain…”
Is this about me losing my temper after you beat me at Fortnite? I’ve said I was sorry for throwing your PlayStation at the cat. Or did I throw the cat at the PlayStation? I was emotional – it’s all a blur.
Who needs a PlayStation when you have a new Rolling Stones album? Or a cracking new single, such as Angry.
A new Rolling Stones album? Aren’t they on a greatest-hits tour until the end of time?
They were. But this weekend, they’ve put out their 24th album – or 26th, if we’re counting American releases. It’s called Hackney Diamonds. And it’s… rather good.
Hackney Diamonds sounds like an obscure soccer team that serves craft beer and which all the hipsters love regardless of how rubbish they are on the field.
No, that’s Bohs. Hackney Diamonds is cockney slang for glass left over from a broken shop or car window as a result of a robbery. It’s the Stones reconnecting with their roots.
Why are we getting condensation on our new triple-glazed windows?
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But it’s years since they’ve shown an interest in new music. Why now?
Mick Jagger turned 80 this year. Keith Richards is 79, Ronnie Wood 76. And Charlie Watts, the Stones drummer, died two years ago aged 80. It isn’t unthinkable that they have felt the hand of Father Time on their shoulder.
So it’s one of those late-career records obsessed with death? Like David Bowie’s Blackstar and all those albums Leonard Cohen made in his final years.
I think you’ll find every record Leonard Cohen made was obsessed with death. But no, it’s nothing like that. It isn’t bothered about the ageing process at all.
What is it about then?
What it’s really about is how much fun it is to be a Rolling Stone. That’s the theme of songs such as Whole Wide World and Get Close. And they have a good go at remaking Gimme Shelter with Sweet Sounds of Heaven, where Lady Gaga duets with Mick.
Their record company must have pressured them to release it for Christmas.
It was Jagger who did all the running. He phoned Richards and dragged him into the studio late last year. Without a deadline, Jagger knew it would never get done.
What about their feud with Paul McCartney, who called them a “blues cover band”? Will Hackney Diamonds shut him up?
They’ve patched things up. Macca plays a fiery bass on one of the record’s best songs, Bite My Head Off.
Are you saying I should run out and buy the new Rolling Stones album?
Yes!
But I don’t have a record player!
Nevermind – neither do any Taylor Swift fans, and that hasn’t stopped them all from buying 12 different versions of Midnights.
You’ve talked me into it.
I haven’t felt so excited about a new music project since Bono announced U2 were going to Las Vegas to play inside a giant snow globe.
