The latest single releases reviewed

CHRISTINA AGUILERA FEATURING MISSY ELLIOT
Car Wash Dreamworks
***

Xtina's a very dirrrty girl, so she'll need to go through the wash cycle at least three times. Missy Elliot adds some soul wax to this disco remake from the soundtrack of Shark Tale.

R KELLY
Happy People Jive
***

He's up on all sorts of underage sex raps, but will the scandal harm R Kelly's career? Not at all - I believe this Bill Withers-style ballad will fly off the shelves faster than Olsen twins sex dolls.

KELIS
Millionaire Capitol
****

The milkshake girl is joined by the Wizard of Odd himself, André 3000, so you can guess that this electro hip-hop tune is as off-the-wall as Humpty Dumpty on crack. Lean a little closer, though - smells right on the money.

THE ROOTS
I Don't Care Geffen
***

Now, here's something that's becoming scarcer by the season - a hip-hop tune that doesn't sound like a mobile ringtone. Amazing. This pumpin' disco rap is from their current album, The Tipping Point. Definitely a top tip.

TOKYO DRAGONS
Get 'Em Off Island
***

Phooarr! If The Darkness are the Guardian, then these London rockers are the Sun - and they're turning straight to Page 3. I'm sure they'll have their knockers, but it was inevitable that the Kiss soundalike bands would start coming out from under the bed sooner or later.

PLACEBO
Twenty Years Virgin
**

No, Brian Molko and his band haven't been together for 20 years, although it seems that long. This turgid goth ballad is, says Molko, "a meditation on the passing of time". The time can't pass quickly enough for me, mate.

THE DEPARTURE
Be My Enemy Capitol
****

Their boring, airport-lounge name kinda lets them down, but at least they've got a singer who glories in the name of David Jones. Judging by this formidable U2-meets-Interpol tune, this Northampton quintet are a welcome new arrival.