Understanding office emails is an art to be mastered. See the remark "I'm a little confused" and you've witnessed "absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry", according to Delia Paunescu, an American culture writer whose appeal for fellow Twitter users' "best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases" has resulted in a compendium of choice lines. These are some of the translations contributed in the name of mutual comprehension.
"I'm balancing a lot this week" = "Just a quick reminder that I'm not your employee." @DaveWritesJunk
"This may be a stupid question" = "I'm stating something that would be obvious to a three-year-old and you f-wits haven't picked up on it." @JessicaJSalmon
"I'll let you two take it from here" = "I'm not a part of this and don't want to be." @AlishaGrauso
"I'm spinning a lot of plates right now" = "F**k off, please" @SociologyGadfly
"We're working on a solution" = Means STFU and stop bothering us. @WhiteCreasy
"I hope this helps!" = "Never ask me for anything ever again." @guitarpsichord
"As previously discussed" = "I didn't put in writing last time because I thought you were an adult." @MitchDinkins
"As discussed..." = "Since you clearly weren't listening I guess I'll say it again." @iamdover
"Just to clarify" = "I literally could not have been more clear the first 10 times, you goddamn idiot" @supbethany
"Just circling back on this" = "I just need you to answer. A goddamn 'yes' or 'no' will do, just answer." @AlishaGrauso
"Could you provide a little more detail?" = "Whatever you tried to say makes absolutely no goddamn sense." @Lindsay_Wells
"Thanks in advance" = "No, you don't have a choice." @telaryn
"I wanted to follow up" = "You forgot, didn't you? Didn't you? Am I a joke to you?" @Jamie7Keller
"Per my last email..." = "You wouldn't need to ask me that question had you just read the last email I sent with that information." @TheJimmyV
"Thanks for looping me in" = "You should have come to me 27 emails ago and I would have saved you 26 emails, dummy." @lasrina
"Thanks for the input!" = "Do not speak to me again, ever." @HoneyBMcKenna
"Thank you for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep it in mind!" = "Your criticism is completely irrelevant, if not flat out wrong, and you know less on the topic than the back end of a donkey, but I have to pretend I at least considered your opinion." @FerretXilla
"I'm sorry; I think my email probably wasn't clear. Hopefully this helps" = "You're either stupid or deliberately ignored what I said." @naima
"Just so I understand..." = "What you are saying is so unacceptable and/or insane that I am going to make you repeat it." @NicoleRY2
"Please copy everyone on our team" = "Stop sending work requests to me alone on my day off." @bernip
"Give the details to my associate" = "You're too insignificant for my time but just important enough to waste my minion's time." @LuvFuzzyBunnies
"I recall this quite differently" = "You're a bald, two-faced liar and snake." @themelaniedione
"Thank you, but we're all set here" = "We don't need your help because we all know you're just going to mess it up." @givdesigns
