Fresh out of college, graduates usually have their eye on their first job.
And these job applications can be demanding, requiring you to tailor your CV and application to each company, persuading them at interview that you’re a good fit and dealing with the – almost inevitable – rejections that will come your way.
It’s really important, however, that any worker pays attention to the long game. Sure, you’ve got your first job, but what do you want from it? Should you also be considering your second, third or fourth job?
What about your professional development? How can you balance the demands of work, life and family while also making advances in your career? And what attributes do you need to do well at work?
Dr Mary Collins, a chartered psychologist with the RCSI Centre for Positive Health Sciences and author of the recently published book Emotional Intelligence in Dentistry, says that emotional intelligence is the critical skill that graduates should cultivate in a world of artificial intelligence advancements.
“We’re at a crucial moment, on the edge between AI and human interaction,” she says. “AI is only as good as the information we feed into it and the prompts we use.
“Really, it is the human skills of empathy, self-awareness, flexibility and innovation that we should be honing.”
Her view is echoed by Sinéad Brady, a career psychologist and author of Total Reset: Quit Living to Work and Start Working to Live.
“Traditionally, we have set up the world of work to be based on technical skills and other proficiencies,” Brady says. “And while education, especially third level, gives you this, it is the other, more personal skills, that hold the workplace together. They’re often called ‘soft skills’, but I hate calling them this, as they are the human skills that make us unique. They are really challenging to develop, as there is a maturity attached to them.”
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Any more experienced workers reading this will be lucky if they’ve never experienced a difficult boss. It might be that the person in charge lacks self-awareness and projects their mood on to everyone else, making for a toxic workplace. Or it might be that they’re someone you’d love to have a drink with, and they were great at their former role, but they have poor management skills and are scatty. Perhaps they’re a micro-manager – and it can be a really undermining and confidence-sapping experience to have someone hire you and then not trust you enough to get on with the job.
As you progress through your career, you can learn just as much – more, arguably – from the bad bosses as the good ones. Never forget these early years, never lose sight of who you were starting off and ask yourself: if I am ever a manager or boss, who do I want to be like?
Either way, this all comes back to the two key parts of emotional intelligence: empathy and self-awareness. Increasingly, these are the skills that not only graduates and workers need – they’re also skills that help us in our personal lives and relationships.
Looking around the world and seeing the worst people in the news having such power, it’s clear that they lack these two basic skills, and that the whole world would probably be a better place if empathy and self-awareness were fostered and nurtured in children from a young age.
But these are skills that can be developed.
“Empathy is at the core of emotional intelligence,” says Collins. “We have become quite desensitised online, and this leads to depersonalisation and not valuing one another.
“We all need to work on resilience and self-awareness. This means being aware of other’s body language, and our own emotions. When we feel frustrated or angry, we should have ways to self-regulate and self-soothe, instead of lashing out at others.”
For some who struggle with this, exercise is the answer. For others, talking to friends or medication, meditation or a hobby such as art or cooking. Maybe a mix of all of these.
“The foundation is self-knowing,” says Collins. “We develop this over a lifetime, so we would generally expect that a graduate has lower levels of this than, say, a 48-year-old.”
Brady says that leadership follows on from these skills. “This is the ability to talk to and engage with people, have challenging conversations without falling out with them. It’s not just a nice-to-have – it is essential. That said, it isn’t always easy to translate into a job specification, leaving graduates unsure if they have the required skills.
“Ultimately, it is about being able to talk to people and hold opinions that operate in a grey space, understanding that there are nuances to opinions and that different people, with different skills, backgrounds and expertise, will vary on them,” Brady says.
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For Collins, the ability to build and maintain relationships is a core component of emotional intelligence. “This is essential, especially in a small country like Ireland,” she says. “We know that Gen Z, who are just coming into the workplace, often struggle with this, as they may have hundreds of digital connections but fewer quality relationships.
Brady says that “career capital” means knowing who you are and where you are going. “It can be developed through networking, or projects or simply being out there meeting people. If there are event-based groups in your organisation, get involved and get to know people. If there are chances for peer shadowing or courses and learning pathways, use them.”
Coping with adversity and being flexible and open in the face of a rapidly-changing world also help.
“We’re in a time of incredible change,” says Brady. “All you have to do is look around and see the turmoil in the world. As this is happening, AI is changing industries and jobs: cars will be able to drive themselves and AI will both help us with spreadsheets and write articles and text that we previously did ourselves.”
Collins agrees that adaptability is a crucial skill. “You can be flexible and adapt your style according to the situation,” she says. “Be open to new ideas and have a growth mindset – meaning you believe that your potential isn’t limited and that you can develop new skills.”
What if you’re not a naturally adaptable person?
“Many of us like routine, structure and certainty,” Collins says. “We know, from neuroscience, that we don’t really like surprises. One of the world’s leading experts in adaptability, Dr Martyn Newman, says to start with small steps, like brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, going a different way to work, trying a new food every day, or simply making small changes in our lives, building in more flexibility.”
Brady says there is an intersection where emotional intelligence and the ability to coping with adversity come together.
“It is understanding that, when you look up and look around, you want to look for opportunities to know where you are going, and where you are growing. In a role where you have to deal with tricky people, know that it is not always your fault, and understand that you must work on your career as well as in your career. Be proactive with your decisions and, with time and experience, will come the ability to make strategic decisions.”
What if you’re the world’s most emotionally intelligent person, you’re following all the right advice and work is still miserable?
“Have an exit strategy,” says Brady.
“It doesn’t mean that you don’t accept criticism, but if you’re in an organisation that expects you to work to your best ability without also supporting you – is this where you want to be? If the leaders model bad behaviour or the work culture is unhappy, that may be your early warning sign – both for the job and for the type of person you want to be in your career.”
How to develop your emotional intelligence and workplace skills
- If you’re prone to anger and moods, step back and consider your own role in any conflicts. Regular journaling can help this, says chartered psychologist Dr Mary Collins.
- Find a mentor. Career psychologist Sinéad Brady says that, ideally, people might have a workplace mentor who can help show them the ropes, but also someone outside the organisation who isn’t embedded in its culture. “A mentor is future-focused, and perhaps someone who can share their wisdom, advice and suggestions with you,” says Collins. As for finding one – and not to sound like a bad dating app profile – just ask. Many mentors see it as a chance to sharpen and develop their own skills and will be happy to take on this role. Then, find a frequency that works for you – perhaps meeting once a month online or, ideally, in person for a coffee.
- Collins suggests that, as you progress through your career, you may also consider a coach. This is someone who can help you set goals and be accountable for them.
- If your communication skills are not where you’d like them to be, Collins recommends joining Toastmasters, an international organisation that has helped thousands of people become better speakers and communicators.
- It can also help to get involved, perhaps joining a running club or volunteering with a local charity.
- Collins suggests making time for reflection, perhaps through a “tactical Thursday”, where you sit down and reflect or journal about five key questions: what went well this week? What were the challenges? What was in your control? Who could you ask for help? And what could you do differently to improve on last week? “These are five simple, powerful questions that quite quickly help you build a snapshot of the company you are in,” says Collins.
- Don’t be afraid to go for therapy – although it can be expensive. Or find other ways to self-soothe: talk, meditate, exercise.
