When Ellen Byas’s husband John died, some 10 years ago, a lot changed.
She was left on her own in her home on the Navan Road in Cabra. The circles that she socialised in fell away after the death of her husband and she found herself becoming more and more isolated. “You’re forgotten,” she says.
Christmas especially, can be a difficult. “Christmas is very, very lonely.”
“Even though my family comes to me... But they go home about six o’clock, you know, back to our own homes and it is very, very lonely. You only have television,” the 81-year-old said on Friday, sitting at a table at the Bonnington Hotel in Dublin, having finished her starter course at the Friends of the Elderly annual Christmas dinner.
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In many ways, the Friends of the Elderly – a charity that aims to “bring friendship and companionship” to older people – saved Ms Byas at a time when she was struggling. Having previously volunteered with the charity prior to her husband’s death, she has become more involved as a client over the last decade.
[ Loneliness and the elderly: ‘The deafening sound of silence’Opens in new window ]
“It’s very, very important – the likes of the Friends of the Elderly, they saved my life. They really did. Nobody realises what goes on behind your door,” she says.
Ms Byas was able to make new friends through outings and activities organised by the charity, and now keeps a busy social calendar.
“We go on holidays, they take us out everywhere. They take us out on dinners, Easter... then you have the monthly cabaret show,” she said. “My family says I’ve a better life than them.”
Most of the people here would probably live on their own, or would be widowed, or maybe family members have moved away down to the country
— Bernie Curran, Friends of the Elderly
On Friday, about 130 older people gathered at the Drumcondra hotel for a three-course meal – where main course options included a traditional turkey and ham dinner – with an MC and singer performing a Neil Diamond-heavy set list.
“They’ve put on a beautiful spread for us – they really look after us, they spoil us,” Ms Byas says.
Bernie Curran, operations manager at Friends of the Elderly, says most people attending the dinner will likely spend Christmas Day alone.
“Most of the people here would probably live on their own, or would be widowed, or maybe family members have moved away down to the country, and they don’t see so many people,” Ms Curran says. “So this is kind of the big, big event in their Christmas.”
For John Boylan, a 77-year-old retired taxi driver living in Raheny, social outings with Friends of the Elderly serve three purposes: “Companionship, friendship, and mostly importantly, a bit of craic.”
George Mooney (87) and Kevin Fitzsimons met through Friends of the Elderly. Mr Fitzsimons, a volunteer, got to know Mr Mooney through the charity’s home-visit service. There are roughly 350 volunteers working with Friends of the Elderly.
“Friends of the Eldery introduced us... they’re a great organisation,” Mr Fitzsimons says, wearing a paper party hat.
“Since then, we’re like that,” notes Mr Mooney, a native of Coolock, crossing his index and middle finger. “I live on my own, and he calls for me every week.”
During the summer months, the pair might go for a drive at the seaside, he says.
Their friendship is very important to Mr Mooney – he’s on his own most of the time since his wife Mary died a decade ago. “When she was alive, we were always together.
“It’s very, very lonely,” he says. “You look on the walls and you see photographs, weddings, the family, everything else... you can’t bring that back up.”
Over time – and with help from people like Mr Fitzsimons – Mr Mooney learned to accept his wife’s passing.
Events like Friday’s help too. “I’m great if I’m in company, I can talk to people and have a laugh.”
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