Christmas for me starts when . . . it is socially acceptable to walk into your neighbour's house unannounced and drink whatever alcohol you see lying around.
Last Christmas . . . some bold children let a dog into the church. It was funny for a while but people got scared when he refused to leave. He is still there as far as I know. It is his church now. Glory be to Dog.
This Christmas . . . a stricter approach to security should reduce the number of dogs taking over churches.
My favourite thing about this time of year is . . . the dogs. Dogs seem happier at Christmas. Somehow they know the craic.
The one thing that brings out my inner Grinch is . . . watching s***** ads where a dying species of Arctic bear tries to sell bottles of fizzy brown water to me every 20 minutes.
The perfect gift for my ears would be . . . Ziltoid 2 by Devin Townsend.
The perfect gift for my eyes would be . . . if Reeling in the Years was projected on the walls in night clubs. It would give you a good dose of perspective on nights out.
It wouldn't be Christmas without . . . RTÉ and UTV playing the exact same film at the exact same time.
I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need . . . milk. It always runs out.
