What does 'smart casual' mean? Can you wear suit pants with a hoodie? Michael Kellywonders why men aren't more stylish
Irishmen are intimidated by fashion. Mrs Kelly was recently given a present of a personal shopping experience at Harvey Nichols, and, curious, I decided to go along. We were brought into a very large dressingroom, where, without being asked which of us had signed up for the personal shopper, I was shown to a leather sofa in front of an unfeasibly large plasma television tuned to Sky Sports. Know your place, this seemed to say. I half-expected to be given a can of lager and some pretzels, as if I were Homer Simpson, but I was handed a cappuccino instead. Silently I was seething that my role was to sit watching TV, oohing and aahing when the goddess emerged in various killer heels and diamante tops. The irony is that I'm the one who really needs the personal shopper. The missus already has a unique sense of style.
Irishmen want to look good, we really do. It's just that if we are too into our appearance we come across as vain. Or effeminate. And then when we slum it in slackerwear - jeans, trainers, hoodies and sweatshirts - we get arrested in supermarkets by overly zealous security guards.
For most of my 20s every top I owned was a hoody. Most were plain, but sometimes, for decoration, they would have two seemingly random numbers on the front, such as 64 or 48. I guess this was to try to make me look as if I belonged to a team of some sort. I bought hundreds of the damn things, mainly because they were such poor quality that they fell apart after two washes.
I think I liked dumbing down, sartorially speaking, because I spent 10 years in IT, wearing a suit and tie each day. Jeans and hoodies were my way of saying "screw you" to my corporate master. This rigid division in my wardrobe - suits to the left, hoodies to the right - was only ever upset when I was invited to a smart-casual do. I hate smart casual. It conjures images of groups of businessmen standing around sipping glasses of wine in chinos and deck shoes, saying: "Yes, Colm, I did enjoy the presentation. Slide 83 was particularly riveting."
For years I struggled with the smart-casual conundrum. Could I wear suit pants with a hoodie? Is that smart casual? Would I have to relent and buy a sports coat, that great stigma of middle age? Last year I decided I'd had enough of the hoodies, and I made moves to diversify. I got a very smart green Burton coat for the winter and a Ted Baker scarf that is, pound for pound, the most expensive item of clothing I own. I even learned to tie it the way you see RTÉ reporters wearing them on the news. I also invested in a pair of Mezlan brown-leather shoes. It so happened that this change in my wardrobe coincided with my new career in journalism, and people I met would say: "Oh, look at him dressing like a writer now."
I still wear only denim below the belt. Well, my shoes are leather, and my boxers are cotton, but you know what I mean. I don't own any slacks. I wear V-necked jumpers these days, with T-shirts underneath. When I am going out I will wear a nice shirt, usually pink. Nothing says high fashion like pink. Sometimes I wear a suit jacket with jeans and a T-shirt. I can't decide whether that makes me look fashionable or like Mickey Harte.
Anyway, back to Harvey Nichols. Desperate to escape the uncomfortable masculine stereotype, I went downstairs for a look around the men's department. I picked up a sparkly shirt that I thought might look good on me, but, alarmingly, it had no price tag. I asked an incredibly trendy young shop assistant who was busy folding cashmere sweaters (and was showing too much underpant for my liking; pull up your pants, for God's sake) how much it cost. In a heavy Russian accent he told me that it was €300. I said: "You're kidding me." He said: "Well, it is Dior." But he pronounced Dior like "dear". So I said: "It surely is dear." To which he replied: "Dior. Christian Dior. He's a designer."
Suitably intimidated, I headed back upstairs to watch more sport.
GET PERSONAL
Personal Shopping services are no longer a female-only preserve, nor are they solely for the mega-rich. All of the services listed below are free, with no obligation to buy or minimum spend but are by appointment only. Typically the personal shopper will discuss requirements with you over the phone and will pre-select labels for you to try in a personal shopping suite. All offer complimentary refreshments (teas, coffees, beer or champagne) and lads' mags to read while you wait. Harvey Nics and Brown Thomas also offer additional services such as made-to-measure consultancy, grooming and skincare advice and services such as spa treatments and facials.
• Harvey Nichols in Dundrum; contact Head of Personal Shopping, Sueann O'Leary on 01-2910438 or see www.harveynichols.com
• Brown Thomas provide personal shopping for men in their Dublin store only but there are plans to roll out to other stores. Contact Ann Finn on 01-6171161 or see www.brownthomas.com
• River Island offer the service in their Grafton Street store only. Contact the personal shopping team on 01-6056016 or see www.riverisland.com