Dear Santa, Here we go again. As John Lennon said, “another year over” – are you all set?
This year, can you bring me a proper bike, maybe? Lots of my friends seem to be going down that road; it’s our age, I think. That said, it does involve lycra and nobody needs to see that – so actually, I’ll pass on the cycling, thanks. Golf? My friend says if I get a 22 degree rescue club, it will change my game miraculously; I think I may need more than a miracle. Technology, then. That new iPhone 7 with no headphone jack – what are they thinking? But we all want it anyway. Baaaaaa . . .
Do you know something? You’ve never, ever let me down. Remember that Chelsea jersey – number 10 and all – and the Philips cassette recorder with my first ever microphone? That was a dream present. I made my first mock radio shows on that pretending to be a DJ (I know what you’re thinking!).
Just a little reminder from last year about our bitch of a dog, Lola. As you’ll remember, when she’s barking she sounds like a wolfhound on speed – whereas she’s actually only about six inches off the ground and would run a mile if you said boo to her (or “boo ho ho” in your case – sorry, dad joke). She actually wouldn’t harm you. She’s a bit of a scavenger, but we’re leaving the homemade apple tart on top of the fridge so she won’t be able to get at it. I’ll put a bottle of your favourite beer down lower; she doesn’t ‘get’ beer for some reason.
Oh yeah, these days we usually have the house alarm on at night because the local priest was saying there were a lot of burglaries in the area – but it’s set up so that animals can still roam around. I know you’re no spring chicken, but maybe you could just crawl across the kitchen area? Actually, here’s a better plan – if you follow me on Twitter (@IanDempsey) I’ll DM you our alarm code. Don’t forget to put it back on when you’re going. Hang on . . . if you have that, you don’t need to use the chimney, either – you can just come straight through the front door. You won’t know yourself!
Have a safe trip, Santa, and if I'm still up when you get here, just pretend not to notice me. Ian Ian Dempsey presents the Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show Monday to Friday on Today FM from 7am-9am. He was recently inducted into the PPI Radio Awards Hall of Fame
