Yes, there are many urgent and important things happening in the world. Yes, there is Brexit, climate change and homelessness and the weekend’s sporting fixtures. And you can read about them in all of the other sections because here, we’re going to talk about the British royals.
I have always been quite partial to Harry and Meghan. As some readers will know – along with all of my WhatsApp contacts, some taxi drivers and a few random strangers on trains – I was at* their wedding. (*Standing on the street outside, about half a mile from the church, but it doesn’t do to get bogged down in geographical details. Just ask Boris.)
I like Harry's cheekiness. I like Meghan's activism. I like how she seems to be shaking things up a bit. And yet, in the imminent clash of The Sussexes v The Press, alleging a breach of data protection over the publication of a private letter sent by Meghan Markle to her father, I find myself in the unsettling position of siding with the British tabloids.
It must be annoying for Markle to wake up every day in her recently refurbished, taxpayer-funded €2.7 million home and read that she's been holding baby Archie wrong
It's true that a lot of media coverage has not been kind to the Duchess of Sussex since that happy day in May 2018. It has been constant. It has been petty. She has been accused of virtue-signalling, faking her pregnancy, being mean to her staff, wearing jeans inappropriately and jinxing Serena Williams at the US Open, sometimes all at once.
But the language in Harry's recent statement about the couple's legal action against the Mail on Sunday ("we have continued to put on a brave face – as so many of you can relate to – I cannot begin to describe how painful it has been") sounds more like the words of someone who recently fled war-torn Syria, than someone complaining from a position of unimaginable privilege – inside an actual palace – about why people won't be nicer to his wife.
Harry, I’m not actually sure that many of us can relate. Given his history, it’s not surprising that he is proving to be an over-protective husband and father. His statement alludes to this, saying his “deepest fear is history repeating itself .. . I lost my mother and now I watch my wife falling victim to the same powerful forces”.
It is hard not to be sympathetic to him here. But, whatever the highly emotive coverage – and Diana’s own brother – might have suggested at the time, he did not lose his mother because of press intrusion. Diana died because she was in a car that was driven too fast by a driver who was over the limit for alcohol, and she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
Public eye
It must be annoying for Markle to wake up every day in her recently refurbished, taxpayer-funded €2.7 million home and read that, say, she’s been holding baby Archie wrong, or that she’s a hypocrite to preach climate change while flying on private jets.
But she’s hardly the innocent 19-year-old Diana was when she was thrust into the public eye. She is an outspoken 38-year-old Hollywood actor, who was well accustomed to fame since long before they met, and who seems more than capable of standing up for herself.
Harry didn’t quite go so far as to call the media treatment of Markle “the greatest witch-hunt in history”, but there was an unfortunate hint of the Petulant-In-Chief about his statement. Look, I’m sorry.
A little more perspective and self-awareness from the Sussexes wouldn't go astray
I did try, but it turns out it is impossible to write about one sulking man-child’s crusade against the media and not mention the other sulking man-child’s crusade against the media.
Trump and the Sussexes may not like one another very much – she has called him “divisive” and “misogynistic”; he has called her “nasty” – but they do seem to occupy some common ground. Mainly, they both seem caught in a Sisyphean cycle of simultaneously courting and resenting public attention. And they both appear convinced that the terms of engagement are theirs to dictate.
Harry may be articulate, woke, likeable, witty and a genuine redhead – all things the US president is not. But he shares one quality with Trump: a deep-rooted sense of entitlement born of a lifetime of privilege.
Tabloid editors are, even now, gleefully rubbing their thighs at the prospect of this legal action. Whatever the outcome of the case, Harry and Meghan have embarked on a bigger battle that they can’t possibly win. And in the process, they risk looking like wealthy, cosseted individuals using the considerable means at their disposal to silence critics.
A little more perspective and self-awareness from the Sussexes wouldn’t go astray. Ultimately, their ire is aimed at the wrong targets. Markle’s real gripe is surely with her family, who seem to run to the papers every time they need change for the parking meter.
The private letter at the centre of the court case was released by her father. She is not to blame for his reprehensible behaviour, or the behaviour of any of her seemingly endless stream of embarrassing relatives. But neither is the media.