‘I fear I will become a stranger to my son’
Ivan Siyak (41), Kyiv
I was born and spent most of my life in Kyiv, and now I am here. I have mobilised and took part in the territorial defence of Kyiv. I am a casualty evacuation trainer at the territorial defence tactical medicine training centre. Before the war I was a speechwriter in a PR agency.
I started working in the mid-1990s and my entire career has been, in one way or another, connected with media, advertising and texts. I have been a journalist, copywriter, editor, writer and speechwriter, TV presenter, screenwriter, editor of a historical magazine, writing speeches and articles for prominent business people and politicians. By education, I am a half-educated historian. I graduated from four courses in the faculty of humanities and social sciences of the Kyiv-Mohyla Academy.
What was my life like? I have been in an environment of artistic, creative and media people. This life was very different from what it has become for me and the people surrounding me. There was a lot of work but not physical. There were a lot of problems but now I understand that they were solvable and straightforward. There were many cafes and bars, many walks and many conversations. I liked my life.
'Most of all, I fear that the war will drag on and when we meet again, it will turn out that I have become a stranger to my son'
I couldn't join the Ukranian armed forces or the territorial defence. I have never served in the army. I don't have a military ID. I went to the front voluntarily with my friend, whom I had met while working in a historical magazine. He is the captain of the Ukrainian national fencing team and a surgeon. At about the same time we took our families to the west: I went to the border; he went to the western regions. We made a deal on Facebook to meet in Lviv and went to Kyiv by car. He was going to serve. I went with him and ended up in the medical unit of the territorial defence forces. I didn't see combat but I was in combat positions several times. I went to the border with Belarus. We drove through the liberated territories.
I spend most of the time in the unit or the training centre, conducting training for troopers. The most important impression for me is how much it is a people's war and a people's army. How different people have come together to protect our country. We have two machine gunners; one is the owner of the Kyiv BMW showroom and the other is a country man from the Sumy region. Also among us are the owners of construction companies, drivers, booksellers and nurses from psychiatric clinics. Anyone. This war is truly patriotic.
I once tried to write down the professions of people that I met at the medical divisions of the territorial defence forces. These may be people with medical education or without, appointed or volunteered if no one has a medical education among the soldiers. Therefore, we have a transplant doctor. I also know a medic who is an animator in his normal life. There are marketing experts, many IT specialists, massage specialists, dentists and salespeople. The war and the desire to be beneficial to their motherland united everyone.
I have adapted easily to everyday life. It turns out that I am low maintenance. However, I have been sleeping on a yoga-mat under the table to protect myself from possible fragments in case of an explosion for the past few months. I miss the opportunity to lie in bed and take a walk. I am missing my partner. I am missing my son, who is now in France. Most of all, I fear that the war will drag on and when we meet again, it will turn out that I have become a stranger to him. Sometimes I’m afraid of death. But, recently, when the shelling of Kyiv stopped, this fear receded. I’m scared to live in a broken, poor country. Victorious but strongly destroyed. A country in which peaceful life will not be restored for decades. I am now 41 and, it seems to me, I do not have these decades.
Recently, I was given a day off for my birthday. I walked around the centre of Kyiv. I walked along the route that I used to walk. It was the first sunny, warm day in a long time. That was spectacular. I ate at my favourite restaurant and went home. It was tough for me to return to the unit. Not that I was ever satisfied with my life, but there was a lot of joy, communication, relaxation and laughter, which is now sorely lacking. And I want it all back.
We will move to the new armed forces of Ukraine brigade in the near future. Then we'll go to the landfill, and we will see where they send us. The situation is changing every day. It is difficult to talk about something with complete confidence. Perhaps we will stay in Kyiv.
‘I want to continue my work and have a quiet life’
Vladyslav 'Woody' Lytvyn (23), Kryvyi Rih
Before the war I had an ordinary family life and did what I loved, working in a barbershop cutting hair. I would come back home to my wife with pleasure after the working day. We always travelled somewhere together to have a rest on weekends. I trained in MMA and Thai boxing before or after work. When I had spare time, I enjoyed drawing or making music.
After the full-scale Russian attack on Ukraine started, a group of my friends and I joined the territorial defence. We are located at the 5th company, the 2nd division of the troop. I am a soldier. Now I am studying to be a sniper, and I like this speciality. I want to develop in this direction.
My responsibility also includes patrolling the territory at the base of our deployment and beyond. We take a position and monitor what is happening. Then we transmit information by radio about what was seen in the sky or on the ground.
Russian sabotage and reconnaissance groups were noticed at the beginning of the invasion. My comrades and I took part in operational trips and contributed to the detention of Russian saboteurs.
The squad leader sets specific goals: personal or shared tasks for the entire department. Since I am based with the reconnaissance group, this may be tracking down potential members of the sabotage and reconnaissance group. At the moment we are, to a greater extent, defending the place of our current deployment.
We have reasonably good living conditions compared to other divisions. There is a place to wash and do laundry. As far as I know, some soldiers live in more challenging conditions. Therefore, there is nothing to complain about. We are well fed: there is always soup, main course and drinks. I sleep on the floor, on a yoga mat. I have become used to such sleeping conditions.
I have seen how people reveal themselves during the war and what they care about the most. I mean those people who are abroad, especially in Russia. I didn’t expect to see support for the war.
'Most of all I miss my beloved wife. I want to see her, know that she is near, safe, and be with her'
I have become more responsible and disciplined. You realise that you always have to be alert in times like this. Also, you are responsible for your comrades-in-arms who stand side by side with you. You have to trust them entirely, and they have to trust you. Much depends on each of us, and we should always take care of each other.
I have not seen much of what the occupiers did with my own eyes. The small part of what I saw was terrifying. These incredibly horrible crimes raised many emotions in me. When I saw what they did, I was at a loss for words. The Russians were torturing and killing innocent people.
Most of all I miss my beloved wife. I want to see her, know that she is near, safe, and be with her. Of course, I want to return to the free, ordinary life I had before the war. I want to continue my work and have a quiet life with my wife.
‘My friend’s body was left lying on the street for a week’
Yaroslav Lepiavko (31), Chernihiv
Before the big war, I ran two businesses: the first was a commercial IT project, Data Ocean, which helped financial institutions check their clients for sanctions or terrorism suspects. It is crucial now, but we suspended all the activities of Data Ocean because all the employees are fighting or volunteering. One is defending Mariupol right now, every day in fierce battles.
The second business, the Veteranius social project, helped veterans start their new careers in IT after completing their service. This project is frozen, as almost everyone who participated either returned to the war or went to volunteer. Unfortunately, at least two active members of the Veteranius, Volodymyr Litsyshyn and Yevhen Shpychka, were killed. The eternal memory of our heroes. We will avenge. Ukrainian-American volunteer Lyuba Shipovych initiated both projects, and I performed managerial and administrative functions in both.
I was completing a master’s degree in public administration at the Kyiv-Mohyla Academy before the war started. All that remains to do is my viva, to defend my master’s thesis. I hope I will be able to do it soon. I have higher education as a historian but did not work in my speciality.
A year before the Maidan Revolution, I joined the army. The Maidan started almost immediately after I returned. In March 2014 I went to protect Crimea but there was no mass resistance there. After Crimea, the war in Donbas began.
There was no question for me about whether to go to war or not. I felt it was my duty. The question was where to go. First I signed up as a volunteer at the military enlistment office. They told me to wait but I couldn’t just sit and wait. I joined the Chernihiv Battalion, fought in it and moved to Azov in the fall of 2015.
My father, Sergei Lepiavko, is a historian, professor and doctor of historical sciences. Also, a public figure. He is a specialist in the history of the Cossacks. However, for the last 10 years, he has been actively involved in the history of his native land. He has published many books about Chernihiv in various formats: purely scientific, popular science, albums and brochures. My father grew up in Chernihiv and graduated from the same school as me. He worked at the local radio plant, studied and then taught at the Chernihiv State Pedagogical University. He is currently a professor at Nizhyn university.
After the big war started, my father and brother went to the military enlistment office. My brother, Bohdan Lepiavko, is a cycling and urban activist, nuclear physicist and part-time IT specialist. He was the head of the U-Cycle association for five years.
My brother and father are now in the same unit, defending the city of Chernihiv. They were sent to protect the region when the Russian army left. Unfortunately, my father has already been in a battle that ended not to our benefit. He had to get out of the area. I am sure that he will write much more in his books about the modern battles for Chernihiv. He does not write now; he is making history.
I have already seen war in Donbas, so there was no big shock from the events. Aviation became a new experience because Russians used it in Donbas only initially and in a very limited way. I had not encountered airstrikes before. However, I was impressed by the work of our pilots. How professional and self-giving they were.
'I am still afraid to act unworthily in a critical situation: for example, if I run out of ammunition, I am surrounded and I will have to blow myself up with a grenade or something like that'
I was struck by civilians: examples of dedication and hard work. Unfortunately, many of my comrades-in-arms who went through the war in Donbas are now dead. There was a tragic episode: my friend’s lifeless body was left lying on the street for a week in the occupied city. Then he was buried by locals and reburied in his homeland in western Ukraine. My former commander from Azov was also killed. I feel guilty about it. When there is war in your home town it’s an entirely different feeling than in a strange town.
Right now, the unblocking of Mariupol is all I want. My Azov comrades have been defending themselves for more than a month. They are still resisting their enemies. Unfortunately, their forces are melting and they need help. Many people are willing to help or at least try.
When there was no light, water and communication in Chernihiv, there was a lack of essential household items, like a regular bed. But we arranged life as comfortably as we could, with generators for electricity, water supply, internet via Starlink.
The epicentre of the fighting has relocated now from the suburbs of Kyiv and Chernihiv to the open area of Donbas, so I intend to go to the east. I have not been transferred so far and may return to Chernihiv soon. My father is in hospital because he caught a bad cold in the trench. Fortunately, it is not critical. My brother Bohdan is in the Chernihiv region, where he is helping to improve his unit’s security. They are preparing positions in case the Russians launch an attack on Chernihiv again.
The biggest fear is to kill one of your comrades. Unfortunately, friendly fire can happen. Especially when coordination and communication are not good enough. I have already faced it before, and it has happened in this war. At a global level I am scared that the Russian leadership will not have enough sense, and a nuclear war will begin. I am still afraid to act unworthily in a critical situation: for example, if I run out of ammunition, I am surrounded and I will have to blow myself up with a grenade or something like that.
I miss my girlfriend and relatives the most.
‘I was very struck by the short distance to the enemy’
Elizabeth Sergienko (25), Kyiv
I graduated as a sociologist and a military psychologist. However, I have never worked in the area of my speciality. I used to work as a senior manager at the Dubler Cafe (which is now feeding soldiers and people in need) in Kyiv before the war started. In 2014, when the war in the Donetsk region started, I decided to join the press office of the Azov special operations detachment in Mariupol.
In 2020 I returned from Mariupol to Kyiv and started integrating into civilian life. I used to come to the cafe early in the morning, prepare the first filter coffee and get everything ready for the day. My domestic life was quite militarily simple and planned before the war – I worked until lunch, then had weightlifting, training or courses. I met friends in my spare time, walked my dog and cycled. Sometimes I hung out in Kyrylivska 41 (a famous techno club in Kyiv). I devoted most of my time to the Dubler Cafe. It became a new home for me.
I joined the ranks of the Azov regiment in Kyiv a few days after Russian troops attacked the capital of Ukraine in February. I was assigned to the medical service unit. I am the deputy commander. My responsibilities include working with personnel and fighters in positions, and working in an evacuation vehicle.
My years of service have stood to me during these two months of the war. Back to the roots, as they say. Bombing and everything that happened was not something new for me. I understood what was happening and what I had to do. However, I was very struck by the short distance to the enemy when viewing through binoculars. They were not as close during the war in eastern Ukraine in the second part of 2010.
I saw many dead Russian soldiers after the shelling in the woods. I was struck by the courage of our young people, who recently took up arms for the first time but had so much discipline and a desire to fight.
I cannot talk much about the shelled villages, the houses destroyed and looted by the Russian army and civilians’ lifeless bodies in the streets. I think everyone sees it in the newspapers every day. I want Ukrainians to believe in their army. Military units were ready for war. It has been going on in our country for eight years. Our defenders have professionally fought back against the enemies from the beginning and will continue to do it until the end. However, I am scared that people will forget what is happening in our country in a few years, as happened in 2014. I am scared that people will start “fraternising” with Russians and become apolitical.
I have lost sleep because of continuous nervous tension. I can’t say that I have a comfortable living. For example, I had a strange feeling when I went back to my apartment to grab my things. It felt as if I hadn’t been there for six months. I had the impression that this was not my home any more.
But I miss my dog and wish he was beside me.
Compiled and translated by Eugene Kolychev, a Ukrainian journalist currently based in Ireland
