Social media has become a major source of connection among people growing an online community. But these online platforms can have their downside too. Unwanted familiarity can often arise when random strangers get overly-friendly, cracking inappropriate jokes or messaging you unexpectedly seeking advice on a topic when you have hardly interacted online before. It can be slightly overwhelming, even pressurising receiving too many notifications and attention, in particular when you are a profiled individual.
Online over-familiarity has impacted my mental health. From people assuming I was just free and open to access easily, to messaging me at any time of any day to help promote a cause or to be a part of an event.
It seems to be disregarded entirely that I might be online to simply scroll through my feed during my very little “me time”, instead of replying to unwanted direct messages.
Perhaps it’s my own fault for not putting the right personal boundaries in place, because when that happens respect seems to be off the cards. Happily I’ve noticed this happening less and less since I put my email address in my bio details on my online profiles, that way people can contact me for work-related inquiries or just general requests.
But even this is not without its pitfalls as I have also begun to receive the strangest scam emails. People should not assume just because you are active online during a certain period that you are immediately available to engage in a discussion.
Sometimes even an innocent engagement online, such as posting a tweet that may not relate to everyone, attracts a response from that one notorious know-it-all account interjecting with a “but”. Real life is still happening around us, especially when you finish work in the evenings – maybe it would be wise for people to keep their opinions off other people’s pages sometimes.
Communities
Don’t get me wrong, I understand people wanting to engage with their favourite accounts as social media has made it possible to link up with so many others from different communities. It’s natural to want to speak with people in an informal way in what is mostly an informal space. But there are times when I wish I could go back to the mid-2000s when social media was barely in usage and we didn’t need to know everyone’s thoughts all day long.
There are lines not to cross in online interaction too. If you are not close with an individual don't send them a long voice note. If I do not know how you sound in the real world, by and large I do not need to know what a randomer sounds like in cyberspace. Recently an artist I wasn't very familiar with sent me a voice note on Instagram – why not a simple message or email instead?
Another bugbear is being added unasked into group chats, and, no, not those weird sex bot chats on Instagram that everyone got pulled into during the pandemic but the ones you are invited to by those you are not too pally with or don’t even know.
The constant messaging in group chats can be a bit too much to keep on top of along with everyday life. At one point I was included in a huge group of professionals added to a group chat message on LinkedIn by someone who was looking for advice on how to spread awareness about the organisation they were working with. LinkedIn is certainly not the site for that.
Friendships
Of course it's possible too to forge genuine friendships on these platforms, and I have been truly fortunate in being able to do so. Growing up I felt like I didn't know a lot of the black community in Ireland, but various social platforms have made me aware of so many people in the community, and the incredible work that is being done by individuals too. Through that I have made some lovely friendships that I hold dear.
The trick is in knowing which connections you have most in common with and following through on that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You can be friendly with someone online and yet not have a close relationship with them. And sometimes, like a lot of the best real-life connections, they can start online.
Most of us have made the mistake of getting a bit too carried away in cyberspace. Rule of thumb should be if you do not know someone particularly well online, maybe don’t interact with them as if they are your friend. It can come across as creepy.
The online world also creates the false illusion of a real insight to other people’s lives, when in fact the majority are just showing their best side – a continually perfect situation. It is not real life, and lots of people lose sight of this.
