Going to the cinema should be fun, but between the kids trampling up and down the aisle and the teenagers in the back and their nonsensical tittering, that dodgy DVD is looking pretty good right now.
Is there free-seating and is the afternoon show fairly empty? Then quash your herd instinct and don’t sit right beside someone else. Let everyone have some space.
Try to disengage from your phone. You might think that it’s fine having a cheeky Google check here and there, but you’re lighting up the whole row like we’re standing under the floodlights at Croke Park.
Let’s not get too possessive about the arm rests either. There’s plenty of dirty velveteen to go around.
If you have an exceptionally small bladder or a hankering for pick-n-mix, don’t choose the middle seat in the middle row. You’re disturbing the whole room with your jack-in-a-box shuffling, stumbling and sorrying.
If you must console yourself with a giant bucket of popcorn, don’t chew on it like a cow on the cud. Mastication manners matter, even in the dark. Similarly, leaving a food trail isn’t cool. It’s not that hard to put a wrapper or two in the bin on the way out.
Finally, canoodling in the back row wasn’t cute when you were 16, it’s even more awkward now that you’re 35. Please don’t make us witness it.
– Rachel Murphy