Presidential Suite, The Marker Hotel, Dublin
At 129sq m it’s about the size of a typical family home, spread across two bedrooms, with an entrance hall and a living come diningroom (pictued above). It has king-sized beds, and bathrooms finished in black Nero Marquina and white Carrera marble, with toiletries by New Yorkers Malin+Goetz – proper sized ones too, not mean-spirited miniatures – perfect for ablutions in your rainforest shower or standalone bath.
Furniture includes a dining table for six, deep sofas, footstools and shagpile rugs. There's a fully stocked bar – drinks extra – Nespresso machine and all the charging gizmos you'd expect for your iPhone – though with B&B rates starting at €2,500 a night, you'd almost expect to find a freshly-laundered iPad on your pillow at turndown time. On the other hand, you do get to use said phone to control the TV – no sticky zappers here – and you can stream your own music and videos direct to the telly.
themarkerhoteldublin.com
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Sir Christopher Coote Suite, Ballyfin, Co Laois
Enjoying the best views from the lavish five-star mansion where Kim and Kanye are rumoured to have honeymooned, this suite is wrapped around the south portico of the building for a 180-degree prospect of the lake, fountain, cascade and pleasure grounds (it’s that kind of place). Inside is a sittingroom, bedroom and bathroom, each decked out in 18th-century Chinoiserie wallpaper that formerly belonged to the Prince of Hanover at Schloss Marienberg.
The furniture is suitably sympathetic – from red lacquered cabinets to "Chinese Chippendale" chairs. The bowed sittingroom has richly patterned Donegal rugs, while the walls have suitably pastoral pictures. Sheets are 100 per cent damask Egyptian cotton, with a 300 thread-count. Overnights from €1,250 mid-week, including meals.
ballyfin.com
Penthouse, The Merrion, Dublin
There’s space aplenty in this 204sq m penthouse suite stretching over two floors with separate 93sq m rooftop terrace – and cedar wood hot tub. With freshly redecorated interiors it’s full of the touches that keep house and homes magazines in business, including dramatic wallpapers and hand-woven carpets replicating Irish works of art. On the lower level are its two main bedrooms, each with en suite bathroom finished in Carrera marble and with views of the 18th-century gardens. Up the staircase is an open-plan living space with stone fireplace, surround sound and TV.
A further room off this can be set up as a study, private meeting room or gymnasium – you just have to give the hotel notice. Or, as it helpfully suggests, it could be turned into accommodation for your security personnel. Access here too is via a private lift. The price? €3,200 per night, inclusive of breakfast.
merrionhotel.com
Presidential Suite, Castlemartyr, Co Cork
Part of the appeal here is the fact that the suite has its own private elevator access – no need to avoid eye contact with hoi polloi in the lift. The suite's ante room alone is big enough to host a decent cocktail party; then there's a sittingroom plus a diningroom with gilt mirrors and crystal chandeliers. Rates here start at €1,000 per night and, while the sittingroom isn't overly Hollywood – lots of cream and beige – the cavernous bathroom is definitely a showstopper. A massive space in mahogany and black marble, with a separate walk-in shower, bath and sauna, it comes fully loaded with goodies from the posh ESPA spa range.
castlemartyrresort.ie
Presidential Suite, Powerscourt Hotel, Wicklow
Spanning the former Ritz Carlton's entire seventh floor, this penthouse suite opens out onto a massive rooftop terrace with its own hot tub, the perfect place to soak up the views of the Sugar Loaf mountain. Both the master bedroom and the large guest double bedroom have 300 thread-count linen, soft featherbeds and black marble bathrooms. The latter have recessed TVs so you can watch your fave progs in the bath, surrounded by bubbles from the ESPA spa downstairs. There's a large livingroom with open fire and balcony, a study for work and your own private steam room for relaxation, all for € 5,000 a night. Just remember to bring small change – you'll need € 28 more if you want breakfast.
powerscourthotel.com
Linda Evangelista Suite, The G Hotel, Galway
The big thing here is a bed said to have been Linda Evangelista’s own, specifically the one the Canadian supermodel refused to get out of for anything less than $10,000. You, on the other hand, can’t get into this bed for less than €1,700 a night. The suite is 120sq m, with its own large lobby area with guest bathroom and designated butler’s work area, where he – or she – can butle away unimpeded. There’s a livingroom with dining area for up to six guests, and its own fireplace, plus in-room entertainment: plasma TV, DVD and surround sound.
But the bedroom is the thing here – Linda's super-sized silver bed with (hopefully) faux zebra skin rugs and furnishings. The bathroom's pretty special too, with an oversized double shower, egg-shaped standalone bath and tile television. Given the views out over Lough Atalia and the city, one of the nicest features is the enclosed terrace, perfect for putting the butler through his (or her) paces as you sip your sundowners.
theghotel.ie
Penthouse Suite, The Clarence, Dublin
The hot tub on the roof terrace may be out of action but this two-storey penthouse is still impressive, not least in scale. At 194 m sq it’s bigger than the average four-bedroom house and includes a master bedroom with private bathroom, second double bedroom, diningroom, kitchen and large livingroom. It leads onto a balcony running the length of the hotel and offering truly panoramic views of the city and mountains, plus plenty of outdoor seating areas.
Upstairs, accessed via spiral staircase crowned by dramatic cupola, is an open-plan loft area with baby grand piano and bar. How rock’n’roll is that? When you’ve tired of playing chopsticks you can sink into the huge suede sofas and watch the telly.
There's a decent entertainment system, Shaker oak furniture, super king-sized beds and a Nespresso coffee machine with all the pods you could ask for to keep you awake and enjoy your suite all night. There's also a fully fitted kitchen but, other than waving at your own private chef as you pass it, you're not going to want to go in there, now are you? From €809 a night online, plus €15 for breakfast.
theclarence.ie
Presidential Suite, Sheen Falls, Co Kerry
This one has an octagonal drawingroom with 20ft high ceilings leading up to an oculus, and large windows covering half the wall space, the better to make the most of views of Kenmare Bay in the distance and the Sheen river nearby. It's the windows here that provide the best artwork. The view is nice inside too: a white limestone fireplace contrasts with a dark wood floor. There's a private bar, Bang & Olufsen surround sound, and the bed has Siberian goose down. From it you can point a special remote control at the silk curtains to open and close them, though it's hard not to imagine the surprise guests get when they try to turn on the telly. Tiptoe across handmade, deep-pile Persian rugs of silk and wool to the library stocked just for you by the in-house librarian, relax on the balcony and make use of the two-person Jacuzzi in the (Voya stocked) bathroom. As luxury goes, this one's a five-star B&B bargain from just 385 per night.
sheenfallslodge.ie
Master Suite, Hayfield Manor, Cork
If it's good enough for Diana Ross you can be sure it's good enough for the rest of us. The 111sq m master suite comprises a lavishly decorated bedroom with dressingroom, drawingroom with dining area and twin his and hers (or hers and hers, or his and his, we're not prescriptive) bathrooms. The bedroom features a canopied, king-sized bed, plush textiles and silk drapery, and an open fire, always a luxury touch. The drawingroom, which has its own marble fireplace, has floor to ceiling windows, an antique dining table and terrific views over Cork City. Both bathrooms have heated towel rails and Elemis skin treats, for €1,030 per night B&B.
hayfieldmanor.ie