War, inflation, other people’s behaviour – these things can worry us, but they are not really in our control. To manage your worries, divide them into two circles, says psychologist and neuroscientist Dr Brian Pennie. The circle of concern are those things you have little or no control over, and the circle of influence are the things you can control.
If you focus on the circle of concern, you allow what’s in it to control you. If you focus on the circle of influence, you are the one in charge, says Pennie. Knowing and accepting what you can and can’t control is the first step to managing your worries, he says.
Take a deep breath before you react. That is one of the simplest and most powerful things you can possibly do
Did someone litter? Did they park badly, or neg you on Twitter? All of these things are irritating, but don’t let them ruin your day. The actions and beliefs of others can eat up way too much of our head space. The fact is, we have no real control over other people.
“We think we can control other people’s actions, beliefs and behaviours, but we can’t,” says Pennie. “Think about what kind of impact these things are having on you in terms of stress and recognise what you can and can’t control,” he says. Only your beliefs, your attitude and how you respond are within your control.
So you can’t control another person’s behaviour, but you can control how you react to it? That’s right, says Pennie. “Whether it’s a politician who really gets under your skin, a mother-in-law, your husband, your wife, certain friends – what you can control is non-reactivity,” he says. “Take a deep breath before you react to what they said or did. That is one of the simplest and most powerful things you can possibly do.” Choosing not to react can stop an interaction or situation from morphing into an even bigger worry.
It’s okay to be worried, but understanding where to channel your thoughts and energy can help you navigate things, says Pennie. Climate change, for example, can feel overwhelming. Listening to the news and reading the data can make you anxious. But try orientating your focus back to what’s in your control – maybe that’s choosing green products, joining a protest, or lobbying your local representative. Focusing on the things in your circle of influence can restore a feeling of control. Your actions may even have a wider impact too, but start with you, says Pennie.
Dog-nappings, puppy farms, animal cruelty – your social media feed can make the world seem full of threat and horror. Audit the information you are consuming, or limit it so as not to become overwhelmed. If you do encounter something worrying, think before spreading it further.
“A lot of people who get caught up in these things, they take in the information and the only thing they do is spread it to other people, so it’s like a contagion of negativity,” says Pennie. “If all you are doing with the concern is spreading it, then that’s not doing you any good and it’s not doing the cause any good either.”
