Somehow it is 2025 even though it was 2019 yesterday. Some things should be ushered into the new year like a much-loved guest being shown into the good room. Other things should be discarded like Christmas cardboard refuse. Thrown away in the dead of night in the neighbours’ recycling bin so you can be rid of it faster.
Here’s what’s in for 2025 and what’s out.
IN
Tacky Christmas
I do not want Christmas to look like an advertisement for the White Company. Reject muted decorations in neutral tones. Say no to half-bare trees sparsely decorated with white and beige baubles and smattering of soft, warm lights. Christmas is not meant to be “tasteful”. We are not Gwyneth Paltrow. Bring back the Christmas of our childhoods. I yearn for the multicoloured foiled cutouts strung from the asbestos-filled ceiling of my family home. I want little electronic Santas that light up and dance to Elvis. I want none of it to match. I want tinsel and glitter. How dare they give us wooden tree beads instead that look like they would get more use in a vegan sex toy shop. Where’s the magic in that? Do not let any “tastemakers” convince you to buy all-beige decorations. We need to stop pretending that “good taste” only appears in the absence of joy.
Unashamedly being a tourist
Don’t be the melt who says things like “be a traveller, not a tourist”. Because technically anyone who visits another place when they aren’t getting paid to be there or for humanitarian reasons is a tourist. We’re all in the novelty ashtray-filled pit together, suckers. You miss out on an awful lot by pretending to be guided by what is or isn’t an “authentic experience”. Living in Dublin and Sydney, two big tourist destinations, I’ve seen good people parted with good money by seeking experiences as authentic as the hats on the Viking Splash tour. For example, Bondi is home to sewage runoff to the point where the term “Bondi Cigar” has entered the popular lexicon to describe a turd. But I will have the ears burned off me by Irish friends swearing how authentic they are for surfing in arguably the most disgusting beach in Australia. Even though they would have had a much better time getting a photo with a koala at the zoo but wouldn’t do it because “it’s too touristy”. Enjoying a cocktail in a colour not seen in nature at an all-inclusive hotel in Spain is an authentic experience. As is roaring at unsuspecting office workers off the side of the Viking Splash tour amphibian bus. It’s fun and for the most part, turd-free.
Wearing old clothes to work out
I exercise to rid the demons from my mind and so I refrain from letting my younger relatives win during family tag rugby games. When exercising I’m there for a purpose which does not include looking hot for the benefit of others. I will not be seduced into buying overpriced Lycra from athleisure companies. You do not need to spend hundreds of euros on workout crop tops whose main job is to absorb boob sweat. You do not need all the bells and whistles of aerodynamic compression gear. You are going for a run after a Zoom meeting. You are not an Olympian. I will continue to lower the tone at my supermodel-filled Pilates class in Sydney. Anyone can do a workout in Lululemon but it takes a true athlete to perform in her high school running shorts from 2008 and her boyfriend’s faded St Brendan’s GAA top.
[ Here are my worst Christmases to help you feel better about your ownOpens in new window ]
OUT
Social media-hyped food
We need to take a stand on standing outside for long periods of time just to buy something to eat. It is not Covid, we do not need to line up to buy food any more. Nothing is “that good” that warrants shuffling back and forth trying to get some feelings back in your legs. Stop blocking the footpaths and forcing pedestrians to go around you while you capture content, ie a zoomed-in photo of a slice of pizza. Do not let a TikTokker with an aggressive Dublin 4 accent convince you “that YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HIDDEN GEM” and show you a picture of Temple Bar. Let the madness end.
‘Coffee and a walk’ dates
Might work on a dog, but not a human woman. We want soft lighting and a starter, not a pastry shared in the cold light of day.
Singing over the All Blacks haka
Don’t ruin the best bit of the rugby. One is the expression of a culture who defied colonialism to survive and inspires pride across the world. The other is watching accountants and consultants in padded gilets yell “Fields of Athenry”. Let’s leave that one behind, Ireland is better than that.