I’m begging men to remove their backpacks.
On the bus. On the Luas. At a gig. In any crowded space. I have seen and experienced enough irresponsible backpack behaviour to make a public plea.
I know we’ve tried to take manspreading away from you and perhaps belligerent rucksack wearing is an attempt to regain some control in the public space arena. However, you cannot go on subjecting your fellow commuters to face-to-backpack journeys. You cannot continue to hulk on to public transport with God knows what in your Jansport and keep the blasted thing on for the duration, whacking innocent bystanders with your laptop and high-protein lunches.
And look, I know. Women wear backpacks too. They’re a universal item. And it’s #NotAllMen. But it’s a lot of men. Take a recent experience I had at a tightly packed function in Dublin city centre. People were squeeeeeezing past and whispering sorry and excuse me and bending themselves around strangers in a bid to get to the bathroom or the wine. It wasn’t a large function, but the backpacks were out in force.
I’ve had enough of men smashing into me with their backpacks
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In the space of less than an hour no fewer than four men had burst through the crowd and past me, with their substantial rucksacks bringing up the rear. After being clobbered by the first two, I was incredulous. By the fourth colossal shove, I was making rage notes on my phone while I waited for a pal. You can imagine the tirade she endured when she arrived. She wasn’t wearing a backpack, thank God.
If any women at the event were wearing backpacks they were doing so discreetly or had done the decent thing and removed their loads from their backs before moving through the crowd. You’re probably thinking, “Hasn’t she little to be worrying about?” But it is possible to be het up about more than one thing at a time. I can fret about tech oligarchs taking over the world and fume over yet another backpack zip to the face on the Luas at the same time.
Luas has been officially asking people to remove backpacks on their trams since at least 2017. The earliest post I can find from the official X account features a drawing of a young man holding a bag and reads: “This is Jack. Jack is holding his bag by his side. Be like Jack and leave room for others.” In 2019, a further campaign was launched, informing passengers that “It’s manners” to take off your bag during busy periods. There have been poster campaigns, and the message is consistently pushed out on social media. Nevertheless, they persist. Maybe it’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fantasy, except instead of “heroes in a half shell”, it’s “Fiachras in a North Face”.
Like we don’t have enough to deal with, with the epidemic of full speakerphone conversations, deranged videos playing at top volume, and that’s if a bus even shows up (seriously, where in the Bermuda Triangle do all the 123s disappear to?).
I even get backpack rage on the plane, when the flight attendants are blue in the face telling passengers to put smaller bags under the seat in front of them. But no, Special McUnicorn has to hoof the rucksack up into the overhead bin, along with the puffer jacket and the duty-free bits.
Actor Hugh Grant, ever more contrary as the years go on, has no qualms in interviews about listing out the things that annoy him. Among them, leaf blowers, people walking slowly, water bottles, “people with backpacks, people with backpacks on their front”. At least the front carriers have some awareness of where the bulk is going.
I mentioned to a friend that I had a rant about backpacks inside me. “Bit pot, kettle, is it not?”she replied. I have been known to sport a deeply unfashionable rucksack, but I am at pains to point out that I would never, ever keep it on in any crowded situation nor would I place it in an overhead bin unless the flight was bordering on empty. Even then, as a lickarse, I would fret a little bit about it.
So men – not all of you, I know – you know what to do. Take off the backpack, hold it by its little top strap, rest it on the floor at your feet. Do not reapply the backpack until you have exited the crowded situation. Just one upward swing on a busy Luas could take out four to six people. Thank you. #NotAllMen
