It’s my birthday, and because I’m a woman in television I turned 29 for the sixth year in a row. That’s not really true; I like telling people I’m older than I actually am. I’d rather have strangers walk away from a conversation thinking “she looks really well for 43” than “Christ – she’s had a hard, SPF-less life”.
I love that the older I get, the more I realise how little I know. But these are the 35 things I wish I knew at 15.
1. If you love someone or are planning to fall in love with someone, watch how they treat people who can’t do anything for them or get anything from. That may be how they treat you sooner or later.
2. Take as many risks as you can before you have financial and familial responsibilities. If your business fails at 22, you can always get a job at 23.
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3. If it’s your dream, move abroad. The worst that can happen is you hate it and you move back.
4. Try to fall in love with someone who is from Lake Como or whose hometown is in a charming clifftop town on the Mediterranean. Take it from someone who has accepted they will forever spend their annual leave taking in the wonders of Tuam stadium (especially now it has the new roof on).
5. Some people are brown snakes. The deadliest kind, but only strike when provoked. Sometimes it’s just best to let them slither on past.
6. The alcohol that can cost you the most is behind a free bar.
7. Watching a sunrise because you’ve stayed out all night with your pals is just as beautiful as the one you get up early to watch.
8. Exercise does help your mental health. Sickener, isn’t it?
9. But it isn’t a substitute for therapy, and be wary of people who try to run away from themselves ... literally.
10. Don’t buy cheap shoes, cheap tights or bras if you can help it. All three are certain to put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
11. You’ll have a boss one day that will tell you off for making a medical appointment after work because you should always be ready to stay late. It’s really important that you ignore them. Your boss won’t care for you when your health fails – your loved ones will.
12. If someone says you always need to put your career above everything to achieve success, find out what kind of life they go home to at the end of the day, and ask yourself if that’s what you want to end up like.
13. Never date a man who’s still angry at his mother – he’ll take it out on every woman who comes into his life trying to heal him.
[ I’ve nothing against Irish men. I keep one myself. But I recommend Irish womenOpens in new window ]
14. Being a people pleaser doesn’t make you a good person. In fact, it will fill you with resentment and passive aggression.
15. Learn your skin undertone. We can’t all be the same “honey beige” orange foundation shade.
16. Record your grandparents’ voices while you can.
17. You can be lonelier in a relationship than you can be when single.
18. It’s not about what you know but what you can prove.
19. If you’re going to do anything worthwhile, you have to accept people are talking about you in a group chat somewhere. It’s the cost of entry to success.
20. That older man isn’t dating you because you’re mature – it’s because you let him away with things women his own age wouldn’t.
21. Understand compound interest and quick.
22. Don’t try to “posh up” your accent for work. You’ll get the big job but now you don’t sound like the people who love you most. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
23. You don’t want a boat. You want a friend with a boat.
24. Some people ask you questions to help. Some are just mining for information because they need gossip to make them feel important.
25. Noise-cancelling headphones are the best investment you can make.
[ If I were an agony aunt, my advice would always be ‘leave them’Opens in new window ]
26. Some if not many landlords think their property is a deposit-only ATM and don’t understand it’s an investment that carries risk and cost. Document EVERYTHING.
27. Get regular blood tests.
28. Ice baths are a swizz.
29. Your mother was right about more than you want to admit.
30. Pensions are incredibly sexy – they’re your ticket to freedom.
31. Confrontation is more often than not the key to peace.
32. If you’re thinking about cutting a fringe or bleaching your hair, it’s probably time to do a mental wellness check.
33. Back up everything on the hard drive. Twice.
34. There’s no point “making it” from a disadvantaged background if you don’t clear the path for others to come up behind you.
35. You often don’t realise the value of advice until you’ve learned it the hard way by f**king up.
