I’ve no idea why the logical part of my brain keeps me teaching. The emotive part wins out every time, as there is nothing like seeing someone young or old or marginalised a bit farther on their way in life. This is severely hampering progress in my own life, however.
I am in my 10th year of teaching, and I am still no closer to a CID – a contract of indefinite duration – let alone permanency. I have jumped through every hoop laid in front of me. I’ve taught 46 different modules and taken on extra duties with little choice, let alone remuneration. I’ve just gotten on with it to keep myself in a job. I’ve gone from subbing to fixed-term contracts and back to maternity covers.
Last year I had only six hours a week between Christmas and June, with no pay over the summer.
Currently I'm okay, but what will happen after Christmas, when these hours run out? I feel my whole young life is ruined by a lack of stability, never knowing what is going to happen next. I can't plan next month, let alone next summer or next year. I have fought every fight, been to unions, solicitors, TDs and others, but no one really seems bothered to sort out teachers on "hours".
Shattered self-worth
My sleep is ruined and I find it impossible to relax or focus on anything else. A holiday is out of the question; the guilt alone would ruin it. I'm like a broken record every time the subject of work comes up. My confidence and self-worth are in tatters from such treatment – a fact I find wholly ironic, given that schools should be building the confidence of students. Instead they are tearing their teachers' self-worth apart.
Very little, if any, duty of care exists towards the teacher, and it’s okay to keep them hanging on for hours or potential hours, as everything is always last minute.
It’s okay to tell you today that your hours are ending tomorrow, though you originally said next week.
Everyone I know says I have to get out, and I’m starting to agree, but where do you go? It’s not so easy when there is a mortgage to be paid. My life has been at a standstill because of it over the past number of years.
The shame of it all is that I’m really good at teaching when treated properly, and a lot of times even when I’m not. I wanted to do this job even though far more lucrative paths were available to me. I loved it when I started.
Even now I can’t quite hate going to work, though this very poor treatment has given me every reason to do so. I’ve worked extremely hard over the past 10 years. I’m burnt out, physically and mentally exhausted. I neither can nor should have to jump through another hoop. I can’t pretend to be grateful any more when scraps are thrown at me, despite the fact that it’s actually me bailing them out of yet another mess. I can’t hang on in this profession any longer.
Submissions welcome to education@irishtimes.com
