All toddlers have a thing about food: it's part of growing up. So there's no point having a fight: just let them think they're in charge, writes Louise Holden.

She will eat only food that is pink. Since Christmas she has eaten nothing but raspberry yogurt and ham. Nothing on the plate

can be touching anything else on

the plate. She will agree to a jam sandwich, but only if the jam is

under the butter and she is under

the coffee table eating from a Barbie tea set. As if you haven't enough to do.

Add to that half-baked reports on the importance of long-chain fatty acids, the threat of hydrogenated fat and the psychological fallout of an unhappy relationship with food. Throw in other adults trying to make you feel like an oddball because

you don't trust neon foods on belt clips.

When did food become so complicated? It seems that most households go through food fights with toddlers. Understanding the factors influencing a toddler's relationship with food may provide some relief.

Between the ages of one and three children are highly susceptible to finicky eating. There are three main reasons.

Firstly, children spend their first year putting on weight, but then they grow less quickly. Their metabolism begins to change and they need fewer calories.

Secondly, as increased mobility and developing motor skills open up a new world to toddlers, the idea of sitting still makes no sense. Activities that restrict movement feel like punishment. Food can quickly become associated with negative concepts such as confinement. If mealtimes are also characterised by tears, cross words, tempers and exasperation, the first casualty of the food fight is food itself.

The third factor is the one that inspires the more bizarre behaviour of picky eaters: the toddler personality. Toddlers, in all their infinite variety, appear to share two traits. They want to assert themselves and they fear change. Not having much control over their lives, they exert power where they can. They decide what gets into their mouths - and if anything smacks of force feeding they baulk.

The best way to counteract this, say the experts, is to give the impression of choice. By putting three or four different foods on a tray, for example - such as slices of banana, peanut butter on crackers, carrot sticks and cheese - and leaving it where the child can get at it, toddlers have control over what they eat and when. Toddlers' stomachs are only the size of their fists, so grazing is the best way of eating at this age.

That's not to say that children should not develop good mealtime routines, however: they may sit at the table with the rest of the family three times a day without ploughing through a meal each time. If they won't eat, forget it - enjoy your own.

Fear of change can really upend a balanced diet. If children will eat only breakfast cereal or yogurt, their parents worry about what they may be missing.

Children need four main dietary elements: carbohydrates (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, cereals), protein (meat, fish, eggs, nuts), fruit and vegetables, and dairy. Many children won't touch certain foods, such as vegetables, or will fixate on one type of food for days.

The trick to getting kids to eat new foods is gentle persistence, according to psychologists. What they refuse 11 times in two weeks they might go for the 12th time. If not, try to find another food that provides some of the nutrients they are missing.

For your own sanity give them what they like from each of the key food groups, even if you don't like the idea of serving sweetcorn, peanut butter, Weetabix and cheese on the same plate.

There's no point complaining that your child's diet is too high in fat if your house is full of high-fat foods. The best you can do is keep a healthy larder and let children eat what they will. It's very difficult to balance their diets when they eat nothing one day and 14 fish fingers the next. Go for a balanced week if you can't achieve a balanced day.

Very poor eaters can be jockeyed along by their peers - children often eat more willingly in crèche than they do at home. Invite a good eater over to show your hunger striker how it's done.

It also helps to stock up on power foods, so that every spoonful counts - try avocado, peanut butter, brown rice, eggs, squash, fish, kidney beans and tofu. You can add power foods such as wheatgerm or sesame seeds to yogurt and cereal. If a child is growing well and is otherwise healthy, call off the troops.

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