Dáil Sketch / Miriam Lord:There can only be one reason for the early start to Christmas in Leinster House this year, and it's a humanitarian one.
It may still be November, but the season of peace and goodwill has been brought forward by a fortnight in an effort to quell rising hostilities among the warring factions.
Bertie's going around like a bear with a sore paw. Mary Harney is under siege. Dr James
Reilly has been seen weeping at the gates. Ned O'Keeffe is stalking the corridors making
mutinous noises. The Greens are having a torrid time of it.
There was a stand-up row in the chamber between the Taoiseach and the Labour leader yesterday morning. The two-day no-confidence motion in a battered Mary Harney came to a noisy conclusion last night.
Ned O'Keeffe - who may be a pig farmer but knows how to milk a situation - resigned the Fianna Fáil whip before the vote after a day spent dropping heavy hints.
The powers that be in Leinster House embarked on a mission of mercy yesterday in an effort to bring some pre-season festive cheer to the place. At lunchtime, when a happy Ceann Comhairle, face aglow in sympathy with the baubles, flicked the switch to light this year's Oireachtas tree. Even the Taoiseach smiled.
Notwithstanding the fact that he and Eamon Gilmore had been verbally beating the lard out of each other less than an hour earlier, the two leaders exchanged pleasantries on
Leinster Lawn as the choir, drawn from Oireachtas staff, warbled pleasantly in the background.
The blow-up in the chamber had happened out of the blue. It was during questions, when the hardy annual that is the cost and function of the Government's Communications Unit (formerly known as the Media Monitoring Unit) was being explored.
The Opposition was not trying to criticise the six civil servants employed to provide ministers and senior civil servants with a daily media digest. Instead, TDs accused the Government of engineering the unit's work to suit their political ends.
Not so, said the Taoiseach, the unit merely provides a summary of the main print and broadcast stories. They monitor all the newspapers: " The Irish Times, the Pressand the Examiner," he said, forgetting that the Irish Pressclosed down 12 years ago.
Gilmore said staff can only act as instructed. For example, they tot up the number of times any critic of the Government appears on radio or television and send the information to the relevant departments so that spindoctors can get on to news editors and complain.
Bertie exploded. "I reject everything Deputy Gilmore has said," he roared. "He's put a slur on civil servants!" The Taoiseach was quite beside himself, repeating the charge, which was vehemently denied.
A reprehensible attack, bellowed Bertie, his angry outburst punctuated by supportive squeaks of "rubbish" from Martin Mansergh in the back row. "You're entirely wrong
and I give you the opportunity to withdrawn the slur on six civil servants." Eamon said he wasn't and no slur had been committed. "Rubbish!" came the squeak from the back row.
Deputy Gilmore should think carefully before saying anything else, growled Bertie. "You're 100 per cent wrong."
The Labour leader said he wasn't and didn't need time to consider his reply, which he
would furnish immediately.
"You'll answer when I'm finished," spat Bertie. "Sit down in the meantime and I'll answer your question."
"You're not the Ceann Comhairle," bridled Eamon.
"You're using the Civil Service to do your dirty work."
"Rubbish!" came the squeak from the back row.
"Calm must be observed," demanded the Ceann Comhairle.
It was, when everyone went off to view the new Christmas tree. The parliamentary ushers came into their own, with a kilted Peter Daly playing the bagpipes for the occasion, Tony Dunne (ex-Army School of Music) directing the choir and baritone John Gillen leading the chorus.
Mary Bradfield of the Leas-Cheann Comhairle's office organised the event, while pensioners from the nearby St Andrew's Resource Centre came along to witness lighting-up time and enjoy tea and cake.
It was all sweetness and twinkling light between the politicians, then they all returned inside. Ned O'Keeffe was lurking in the shadows. There was no sign of Mary Harney.
Bad news was emanating from the Mahon tribunal.
Christmas is over. Back to the trenches.