MIND MOVES:Christmas is like a magnifying glass: the dominant aspects of our lives are amplified, writes Terry Lynch.
AND SO this is Christmas. Well, it will be in two days' time. Christmas songs on the airwaves have been telling us for weeks how great Christmas is. Andy Williams croons to us that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. Chris Rea sings of the delight of driving home for Christmas. Other songsters sing glowingly of winter wonderlands, mistletoe and wine, dreaming of a white Christmas, and Santa's impending visit to town.
For many, this lead-in to Christmas is lovely, a welcome diversion from the dreariness of winter. However, high expectations are created. These expectations can be difficult to fulfil.
The initial delight at having time off and the anticipation of a fantastic break may gradually be replaced by irritation and frustration as the days slip by. Often fuelled by excess alcohol or boredom, old niggles within our lives and relationships may resurface with vigour.
For some, the Christmas period does match up to these high expectations. My hunch is that these people are in the minority. When the holiday period is drawing to a close and people are in public circulation again, we often ask others how their Christmas was for them.
Few reply that it was "wonderful". The commonest response I have received to this question over the years has been that their Christmas was "quiet". The facial expression often reveals more than the words, which are often spoken quietly, eyes without sparkle, faces often without a smile.
Christmas is a very difficult time for many. In today's Ireland, people who already feel alone, isolated and excluded may experience heightened distress. The busiest time of the year for Samaritans, suicide rates jump over the Christmas period.
A solicitor recently mentioned on the radio that requests for separation are higher during the first week of every new year than at any other time.
The pace of life in 21st century Ireland is such that many of us have or make little time to reflect on the bigger questions, such as where we are going in our lives and in our relationships. The Christmas period is a striking exception to this.
Our routines change enormously over Christmas. We may have one or two weeks off work, we have time on our hands. Shops, leisure facilities and other escape routes are closed more than usual.
Much time may be spent with family members we generally see only fleetingly, if at all. Our usual avoidance strategies from such concentrated contact with others may not be available to us. Tensions can be heightened considerably, both strains within ourselves that we generally avoid facing, and conflicts within our relationships.
Christmas is indeed a time of reflection. The end of one year and the beginning of another, Christmas may provoke memories of Christmases in the recent and distant past.
Perhaps it is no coincidence that in A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens chose Christmas as the appropriate time for Ebenezer Scrooge to reflect on his life, cleverly using the ghosts of Christmases past, present and future to execute Scrooge's reflection and subsequent transformation.
Dickens also sought to convey that it is love, sharing and the Christmas spirit which bring joy, rather than selfishness or material wealth.
Christmas is like a magnifying glass: the dominant aspects of our lives become amplified. If we are truly content in our lives and relationships, if we can look back on the past year with pride and a sense of achievement and growth, then Christmas may indeed be the best time. If, however, we are unhappy within our lives, if we are very lonely, if many of our needs in life are not met, if we have experienced major losses or hurts, then Christmas may be the saddest time. Our experience of Christmas is our own, highly individual, in accordance with the context of our lives.
This year, it is not just the cold wind that is biting. The brash excesses of the Celtic Tiger era have been replaced by changing circumstances, fear and uncertainty.
Over the Christmas period, be realistic. There may be some lovely moments, and some difficult ones. In the spirit of Christmas, be gentle with yourself and those around you. Take good care of yourself and those who matter to you. Try to balance time spent with others with some gentle time and space with yourself.
Whatever your personal experience of Christmas, in a matter of days Christmas will be over. A new year, with many possibilities even in these troubled economic times, is just around the corner.
A peaceful Christmas to one and all.
• Terry Lynch is a psychotherapist and GP in Limerick